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I recently received a comment under one of my posts about the difference between authentic dominance and becoming a kink dispenser. The person wrote that it must be nice to be in such a privileged position - not having to fulfill men’s fantasies simply to pay the rent.

I completely agree.

I have said many times that I am in a privileged position today. I don’t have to accept submissives who don’t meet my standards. I don’t have to perform kinks that don’t interest me. I don’t have to compromise my boundaries because I’m afraid my income will disappear if I say no.

What I don’t talk about nearly as often is how I got here. If you wanna learn about it - read my latest Substack article, link in bio.

📌 A Dominant becomes a kink dispenser when the submissive’s fantasies start running the dynamic.

I was very glad to find this video by Ms. Elle X exploring essentially the same problem.

She approaches it from the perspective of personal D/s relationships, without the professional or financial aspects I often discuss. And yet, the underlying pattern is remarkably similar.

Somewhere along the way, the Dominant stops asking:

“What do I want to do with this person?”

…and starts asking:

“What does this person want me to do to them?”

Her will gradually disappears from the dynamic, while the submissive’s fantasies become its center.

If you’ve been following my recent thoughts on this subject, I strongly recommend watching this. It offers another perspective on the same problem - and shows why this phenomenon goes far beyond professional domination.

🖋️ Do not call me beautiful - tell me I’m smart.

Looks are inherited, destined to fade.
Money and time keep the surface well-made.
Pale skin, dark hair, red lips make their mark.
Anyone looking can notice that part.

It takes someone clever to notice the mind.
That is one feature much harder to find.
I learned and observed, I struggled, I fought,
sharpened my worldview and polished my thought.

I questioned, discarded, rebuilt what I knew,
and paid for each insight by suffering through.
Beauty is everywhere. A mind is rare.
If all you saw was my face - you barely looked there.

Beauty needs nothing but eyes to be seen.
A mind asks for more than a passing routine.
So don’t praise the features that life gave to me.
Look deeper. Be clever to really see.

📌 Female pleasure deserves to be selfish.

Today is International Female Or**sm Day, but I want to celebrate something much bigger than or***ms.

Female desire itself.

The desire for pleasure. For attention. For indulgence. For power. For whatever makes HER feel alive.

A woman’s sexuality doesn’t have to revolve around being desirable or satisfying someone else. She is allowed to be the one who wants. The one whose fantasies matter. The one whose pleasure takes priority.

📌 Fe**om p**n is lying to you!

Spanking ≠ Domination.
Pe***ng ≠ Domination.
Fo***ob ≠ Domination.

Catering to male desire is not Domination.

Centering HER desire is.

“Kink dispenser” is not an insult to other women. It’s a cautionary tale about how I once lost my power.

In my new audio essay, I share the vulnerable and intimate details of a relationship in which I failed to protect my own boundaries - and allowed a man to reduce me to a performer of his fantasies.

I thought I was his Domme. I had rules. I gave orders. He called me his owner.

But I had mistaken the freedom to dominate within his fantasy for actual power.

🎧 My Chastity Submissive - the new audio essay is now on my Substack, link in bio.

Go on, down your voice.
Don’t trouble the peace.
Swallow the insult
To make conflict cease.

Adjust yourself to them.
Feel guilty. Feel shame.
Make yourself smaller,
Then give it a name.

Call it good manners.
Call yourself kind.
Fold every hunger
and leave it behind.

But don’t even dare
To ask that of me.
I’d rather be difficult,
arrogant, greedy.

So yes, call me selfish -
I won’t disagree.
That’s exactly the point:
I will always choose me.

📌 “You use AI for your writing? Then you’re deceiving your readers.”

You use Botox? Then you’re hiding your real age.

You wear makeup? Then you’re hiding your real skin.

You use shower gel? Then you’re masking your real body scent.

You edit your photos? You wear flattering clothes? You rehearse before giving a speech?

Where exactly do we draw the line between authenticity and presentation? At what point does authenticity become an expectation to strip yourself bare?

My article explores where I personally draw that line when it comes to AI. Substack link in the bio.