24/05/2026
As a Founder & Director of a busy massage & beauty training company for over 28 years here at Gateway. I wanted to personally share my thoughts on my journey with ADHD and how it affects me in my personal and my business life.
I wanted to learn more about my ADHD as I knew I was different but not why. I found out a few years ago, I’m 58 now and I am learning a lot about ADHD and I am now seeing a therapist weekly in Brighton (on my days off on Wednesdays) with someone who actually has it and can really help me. I really appreciate talking face to face with her and feel accepted, as I don’t want to personally go on chemical medication and prefer a more holistic approach.
The WHY I can’t do certain tasks was a big one for me, also the why I’m not good with self care and find it easier to help others.
Another thing I found fascinating was how many people with ADHD struggle with unopened parcels, unread books, gadgets still sitting in boxes, unfinished projects, or avoiding things they actually WANT to do.
💜That one hit me hard because I genuinely thought that was just me!!!! I have for years blamed myself too.
This latest information that I now have, has REALLY helped me understand why I do what I do!
I personally don’t want to be a martyr or wear it as a badge of honour, instead I want to use it as a superpower and be more educated about it, so I that don’t go into self blame, which I often have.
Understanding the reasons behind things has actually helped me emotionally more than I expected.
A lot of people think ADHD is simply:
“can’t focus” or “too much energy”
However for many adults it’s actually much more about:
• motivation regulation
• task initiation
• overwhelm
• emotional energy
• difficulty switching into action. I know I go down a rabbit hole and get stuck in those doing workk and I don’t even realise I haven’t eaten or go to the toilet for hours sometimes 😞
The biggest thing I’ve realised is that for many people with ADHD, it’s often not laziness at all, my inner voice always gave me a hard time over that.
A lot of the struggle seems to come from the brain finding certain tasks incredibly hard to activate for, especially tasks that feel repetitive, boring (that’s definitely me!) emotionally heavy again very often, unclear, self-directed, long-term reward based.
However helping someone else often feels:
• urgent
• emotionally meaningful
• externally accountable
• clearer
• dopamine-producing
That’s why many people with ADHD can help everyone else efficiently (that’s me!) respond quickly to other people’s needs, work brilliantly under pressure and hyperfocus on interesting things
That’s me!! On all of that!! 🙂 but then completely freeze on their own admin, health, goals, cooking, finances, or self-care.
That is soooooo me!!!!
Perhaps there’s a reason why I was such a people pleaser before! However running my own business definitely taught me I had to toughen up over time.
The “doing things for others easier than for yourself” part is apparently incredibly common in ADHD.
The more I looked into it, the more it made sense.
A lot of ADHD brains seem to respond much more strongly to:
• deadlines
• urgency
• people waiting
• emotional responsibility
External pressure often creates activation.
Whereas self-directed tasks can become emotionally loaded with things like:
• perfectionism
• overwhelm
• fear of failure
• guilt
• “where do I even start?”
• mental exhaustion
So the task gets delayed, which then creates even more pressure around it.
I also found it fascinating learning more about dopamine and how ADHD motivation often seems to work differently.
Tasks that are:
• novel
• emotionally engaging
• urgent
• rewarding
often create enough stimulation for action.
But routine maintenance tasks often don’t.
That honestly explains so much about me.
That’s why I love new things, love travelling, love learning interesting things, and get excited by ideas and projects.
Yet the simplest things can sometimes feel weirdly overwhelming.
It’s strange because someone with ADHD can:
• build a business
• solve crises
• help others intensely
• research for hours
…but still struggle with:
• replying to a simple message
• ticking off the personal self to do list
• booking appointments
• starting something small for yourself
Another thing I found really interesting is how many adults, especially women, go undiagnosed because they appear “high functioning” externally.
Many become extremely good at:
• supporting others
• being responsible
• over-functioning
• masking struggles
while internally feeling exhausted or overwhelmed.
One thing that really stood out to me was learning that ADHD motivation is often more interest-based than importance-based.
So the brain doesn’t always respond to:
“This is important.”
It responds more to things like:
• “This is interesting”
• “This is urgent”
• “This affects someone else”
• “This gives immediate feedback”
• “This feels emotionally stimulating”
That’s why traditional advice like:
• “just be disciplined”
• “make a list”
• “try harder”
often doesn’t solve the real issue.
I make so many lists it’s overwhelming!
Apparently many ADHD people do much better with:
• breaking tasks into tiny starting steps
• body doubling (doing tasks while someone else is present)
• visual structure
• immediate rewards
• external accountability
• reducing overwhelm
• momentum-based systems instead of strict discipline
And emotionally, always finding it easier to help others than yourself can become draining over time because all your energy constantly goes outward.
As I’ve been researching this more deeply, I’ve also been looking at more natural approaches because personally I want a gentler nervous-system-supportive route.
Especially because I already deal with things like:
• SIBO
• chronic fatigue/ME symptoms
• nervous system stress
• health sensitivities
The more I looked into it, the more I realised how connected ADHD symptoms can be with things like:
• poor sleep
• nervous system overload
• blood sugar crashes
• chronic stress
• inflammation
• gut issues
• burnout
A lot of people with ADHD seem to spend years stuck in “fight or flight” mode without even realising it.
I also found it interesting how many people notice improvements from things like:
• better sleep quality
• more protein
• stable blood sugar
• magnesium
• nervous system regulation
One thing that kept coming up repeatedly was protein in the morning because apparently starting the day with high sugar or high-carb breakfasts alone can make focus and crashes worse for some people. I have avoided sugar for years but many start with cereals which isn’t great for many reasons.
Another thing I found fascinating was how many people with ADHD struggle with unopened parcels, unread books, gadgets still sitting in boxes, unfinished projects, or avoiding things they actually WANT to do.
That one hit me hard because I genuinely thought that was just me.
The more I researched it, the more I realised it often isn’t the item itself that’s the problem.
It’s what the brain subconsciously attaches to it:
• effort
• learning
• setup
• decisions
• pressure
• responsibility
• fear of getting it wrong
• overwhelm
So something as simple as:
“open the parcel”
can start emotionally feeling more like:
• a project
• pressure
• instructions
• mental effort
• possible failure
• more overwhelm
And avoidance temporarily relieves the stress, which unfortunately reinforces the cycle.
Then the longer something sits there:
• the bigger it feels
• the more guilt builds
• the more emotionally loaded it becomes
which makes starting even harder.
Apparently this is incredibly common with:
• ADHD
• executive dysfunction
• perfectionism
• burnout
• nervous system overload
I also learned that executive dysfunction has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.
Someone can:
• run a business
• solve complicated problems
• think creatively
• support everybody else
…and still completely freeze over:
• opening a parcel
• setting up a gadget
• replying to an email
• paperwork
• appointments
• admin
because those tasks trigger overwhelm differently.
One thing that made SO much sense to me was learning that many people wait until they feel:
• calm enough
• ready enough
• motivated enough
• mentally clear enough
before starting something.
But often that feeling never comes first.
Apparently action often has to come BEFORE motivation.
Even very tiny action.
Safe action.
Non-overwhelming action.
Like open the outer box ONLY, put the item on the table and if that’s ALL you can manage in a day THAT IS OK!
Maybe day two watch one short video, do one tiny step only
instead of trying to force yourself to do everything at once.
And finally… I also wanted to understand why I can read something and then forget it almost immediately afterwards!
That was another huge lightbulb moment for me.
Apparently many people with ADHD do not struggle with intelligence or understanding at all.
The issue is often more around:
• working memory
• attention regulation
• information transfer
What can happen is:
• the brain briefly takes in the information
• attention drifts before it fully sticks
• the information never properly anchors into memory
• so moments later it can feel like it vanished
That explains why so many people with ADHD:
• reread the same paragraph repeatedly
• get to the bottom of a page and realise they absorbed nothing
• remember emotional or interesting things far better than boring information
• learn better through audio, movement, visuals, or discussion rather than dense text
Honestly, the more I’m learning about ADHD, the more compassion I’m starting to have for myself and for other people dealing with similar struggles.
A lot of people silently carry shame for years thinking they are lazy, disorganised, weak, incapable, dramatic, or “just bad at life.”
But for many people there’s actually a neurological and nervous system component underneath so much of it.
Learning about it has genuinely helped me understand myself more, every day is a school day!
Feel free to share to anyone struggling with similar things - Love & Light Sue Bailey xx
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