Roxy Stutchbury Coaching

Whether you’re feeling pressure in a long-term relationship or anxious about getting back out there, non-penetrative play can bring back connection without the pressure.

When we slow it down, we give our bodies and minds a chance to actually be in the moment… enjoying what is happening, instead of worrying about what’s not.

🔥Save this for your next date night: intimacy doesn’t have to be rushed to be sexy.

Let me remind you of something real quick…

If you’re worrying you’re too much, you’re already shrinking yourself to fit.

🔥🔥Book a free discovery call - and let’s get you back on top, (in every sense.)

Link in bio or drop into my DMs xx

Have you ever dulled yourself down?

The beauty of working in my field is that I often get to have the most incredible, heart-opening conversations with people about their experiences in love, s*x, and dating.

One of the things that comes up again and again is the question:
“Is it just me?”
“I’m so frustrated with myself.”
“Why can’t I just...?”

I even catch myself doing it - with the added pressure of, “I should know better.”

We are so hard-wired to criticise ourselves, assuming that we must be the thing that’s wrong.

But the truth is: it’s never just us.
We are not broken. Not too complicated. Not too much. Whatever the “too” is that you tell yourself. It’s not the truth.

I was in one of those chats this morning with my babe and fellow coach talking about our recent dating antics a.k.a the fun but also the harder realities of online dating these days.

We came to an agreement: Dating today feels so fast-paced.

Back in the day, I’d meet people through uni, work, or travelling. There’d be days, even weeks of flirtation, of hoping we’d bump into each other again. By the time someone made a move, I was ready and genuinely excited.

Now? We go from a couple of dry texts and an old photo… to being face-to-face with a stranger over a drink or coffee. Then, within an hour, they’re leaning in for that elusive first kiss.And we wonder why our body tenses - or switches off completely.

Then the inner critic kicks in again:
“Why am I like this?”
“Why can’t I just relax?”
“Ugh, I’m so awkward.”

So let me say it again:
It’s NEVER just you.

I promise you - there’s nothing wrong with the way you feel. Your body is speaking. And it’s worth listening to.

If this resonates, I made a free practice just for you, you can find it in my link in bio. You’re not alone in this. And you’re not the problem. 💛

I was an actress back in the day.
Drama school at 18, London life, full-on method training.

I loved it… but it taught me more than how to perform on stage… It taught me how to override my own body.

For example: being cast as the love interest and having to kiss someone who made my skin crawl. Or being pulled into an audition room and told to snog a stranger for a camera test.

Because… the role demanded it 🤷🏻‍♀️

So dutifully I would perform - tune down the no, act well, give all the cues to others and my body (method style) that it was true… when it wasn’t.

The problem is It’s hard to leave being performative on a stage. The brain creates neural pathways when you repeat a habit again and again.

Tell your brain to tune out enough, and it continues into your real life.
Into dating.
Into intimacy.
Into how I saw myself.

When you teach your body to ignore itself…
It stops trusting you.

You don’t need to be an actor to have been taught how to disconnect.

Maybe you were:
– The “good girl” who held the family together
– A people-pleaser in work or relationships
– A mum who’s touched out but still puts everyone else first

So many of us learned to be palatable, pleasant, desirable — instead of deeply connected and powerful.

So when s**t hit the fan for the umpteenth time in my private life and I finally understood that my body and my sexuality were for me, first and foremost?
Everything shifted.

I learned to:
🔥Find my true yes (within clear boundaries)
🔥Ask for what I actually wanted — with confidence
🔥Receive other people’s desires without hearing criticism or feeling pressure
🔥Stop performing pleasure and actually feel it
🔥Trust my body again — especially when she said “slow down”
🔥Be in connection, not just in compliance

The foundations of your sensuality and confidence start with you.
Don’t let anyone else dictate what you can or can’t have.

✨ If any of this lands in your body, I made something for you -
A free guided pleasure practice to help you reconnect with yourself, on your terms.
No pressure. No performance. Just curiosity.
(Link in bio — it’s waiting for you.)

Here’s something I’ve learned through exploration:

If you want to feel fully alive in your er*tic self, it starts with feeling at ease in your own body, no matter what it looks like.

Feeling safe, unashamed, and connected to yourself physically and sexually isn’t always easy, especially in a world that constantly tells us we’re not enough. But it matters.

We all have that inner critic — sometimes it’s shouting so loud we can’t hear anything else. Learning to quiet that voice (or even just turn the volume down) is something we practice over a lifetime. It’s real work. It’s also a real act of love.

Exploring your sexuality is personal. It can be playful, messy, surprising - and it should be yours. Let yourself make mistakes. Be curious. Try things.

This is your experiment.

Your body, your pleasure - they’re sacred.
Treat them with gratitude. Let yourself enjoy the ride.

✨

If this speaks to you and you’re craving a gentler, more grounded relationship with your body and sexuality, my 1:1 coaching is a space for just that.
No pressure. No performative healing. Just space to be you, and come home to yourself

Recently, something shifted for me in dating.
I noticed it in how I felt walking into dates,
and how the people sitting across from me showed up, too.

There’s this tightrope I’ve learnt to walk
Letting myself feel warm and open when something feels good, while keeping my feet on the ground.
Reminding myself: one step at a time.

Historically my nervous system? She loves extremes.
One day she’s romantic lead in a slow-burn movie,
the next, she’s convinced we’re starring in a psychological thriller.

If it moves too fast, I panic - what if they flip like Jekyll and Hyde?
Too slow, and I wonder if I’ll ever feel anything at all.

But here’s the real work for me lately:
Letting good things happen… while staying rooted in reality.

One of the best things my teacher (Layla Martin) ever said to me was:
“Choose what you want, but make sure it’s the reality - not the fantasy.”
And that line hits every time.

Because if I’m honest?
I’ve dated a few fantasies in my time.
Not people - projections.
What I hoped they’d become.
What I wished they’d feel.
The connection I imagined we had.

So now, when I like someone, instead of spiralling into ‘what ifs’,

I just come back to this little mantra:
✨ “It’s this or something better.”

If it feels good, amazing.
And if there’s something better coming? Also amazing.
Either way- I don’t need to grip or guess. I just need to stay with me.

Oh, and the pic?
That’s me on a date with my best mate.
Here’s hoping for a partner that looks at me the way she does 😘

What’s been your dating revaluations or mantras? id love to know! 🧡

👣

May

I filled my cup with friends and family

1: A celebration
2: My Queens
3: Batch Cook
4: In the Brighton bubble
5: Dads visit
6: Power flower moon
7: Plotting
8: Pop it like it’s hot
9: Boys on tour
10: Casting
11: Casual date outfit option
12: Yes

Save this post for when you need a reminder 🔥
…And tag a friend who needs some solo self- love vibes.