04/09/2026
There was a time when I didn’t know if I was going to make it out of a room which looked very similar to this.
I spent months in there, completely trapped in my own head going through the highs, lows and dark thoughts that controlled my every move. The days eventually blurred into nights and I was surrounded by the things that had become normal to me, ashtrays, a b**g, mess, isolation and a version of myself that was disappearing a little more every day.
At the time when I lived in Cardiff, I didn’t see a future version of myself sitting on the other side of it all. I couldn’t imagine having a clear head, feeling strong, being present, or looking back at that period without wanting to run from it, I was in a bad place and it was only getting worse.
But eventually I got through it.
And when I look at this picture now, I don’t see someone I’m ashamed of, I see someone who was hurting, someone who was lost and someone who didn’t know how to stop, but somehow found enough strength to keep going.
I wish I could sit beside that younger version of me and tell him that the pain wouldn’t last forever. That one day he would wake up and realise he wasn’t just surviving anymore, he was actually living.
Recovery didn’t happen overnight, and it certainly wasn’t easy.
But every day I stayed away from that life was another day I was building something better.
I’m proud of how far I’ve come, but I’ll never forget where I came from.
If you’re still in that place, please don’t give up on yourself. You might not be able to see the person you could become yet.
Keep going, your future self will be grateful.