11/06/2026
“Okay, hey! So, great to meet you, thank you so much for coming in, congrats on getting to this stage! No secret why you’re here, of course … So, as you know, obviously, the Witch-King of Angmar is taking early retirement, understandably, right … This means we’re going to be having a bit of a shake-up here at the Nine, and, bottom-line, we’re going to have a position opening up as the Nazgûl in charge of the Isengard-Rohan-Fangorn region … Not gonna lie to you, it’s not an easy beat. Lot of politics, lot of distances to cover, complicated stuff. But let me just say, super rewarding, from experience! Right? We’ve all been there.
So anyway, I have to tell you we just LOVE your profile and your background, what you can bring to the Nine. This is why we called you in, we looked at you and thought, “yeah, this is the kinda guy where he’s basically hit a ceiling in terms of being a Lord of Men” - LOVE what you’ve done with your kingdom by the way, very cruel, very unusual, we’re all HUGE fans in here - “and you’ve just kinda seen it all, done it all, been around the block”… And we’re like, “here’s a guy who is ready to take it to the next level, and really come up and play in the big leagues, become a semi-discorporate immortal wraith in thrall to the Eye and the Ring …”
I mean, we’ve had our “Eye” on you for some time, pun totally intended, haha. So before we start the induction process, are there any questions YOU might have about the … uh … the nitty-gritty of what’s involved in the role, or …?”
“Okay, so first, HONOURED, right, thank you for this. Secondly, interested, of course, who wouldn’t be? But yeah, there are a few … Well, I have to say I’ve often wondered, I mean we all know about you guys’s bad-ass missions where it’s the whole team together, whether it be Black Riding around looking awesome chasing Hobbits, or like, war stuff where it’s “oh Gondor is making an incursion into Ithilien again, let’s stomp that s**t out”, kudos, it was amazing by the way.
But like, I can only imagine that must be just the tip of the ice-berg, right? Is there a lot of admin, paperwork, that has to be done before and after those missions? Or do you have a team for that …? What about in-service training? Team-building? I mean I bet! Look at how you guys work together! Then I have to say, so I know that black snorting hell-horses are a dime-a-dozen, but are those Company-Wyrms? Or do we have to provide our own? What about your pension plan, health benefits, that kind of thing? I know, I know, it’s really cringe to talk about money straight away, but I was doing really well as a Dread King, and I know, right, NAZGÛL, who are we kidding: PRESTIGE…! But I would need to know that I’m not actually going to take hit on income, I do have a TON of henchmen, concubines, viziers, royal guards etc that are going to need to be taken care of somehow … Do I just pension them all off, or do I need to recruit my own successor? I have SO MANY ILLEGITIMATE CHILDREN, lol. It would be a bloodbath.”