Cedar Mountain Coaching

A coachee once shared, ‘My imposter voice gives me some hunger, but it sucks to be hungry all the time.’ That one hit hard. We shouldn’t have to starve for validation.

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In my time of transformation I have let myself crumble, melt, and shed. I've wrapped myself in a cocoon of friends and whatever else brings me comfort (in my case, a lot of showers).

Give yourself permission to let things fall apart. It's in this juiciness that your greatest strength will come to fruition.

I'm going through a massively hard and turbulent time in my life right now. I'm hearing so much wisdom out there. Here are my top 3 that I am holding for myself:

1) you will know when it is time. I am such a planner, but in the face of the unknown, my mental tires are spinning. I need to allow myself time and permission to know when it is time.

2) Be gentle with yourself. This one is so subtle and a long made habit. I'm quick to self blame and then task myself with the job of fixing it.

3) Trust and have faith. Gratitude will remind you. As someone who's always in control, it's hard to figure out what to do when things are out of my control. Remembering to have gratitude reminds me of everything I've already gone through.

Recently my son asked to talk to me about 'alliance money'. I had no idea what it was, so I asked what he meant. He said, "you know, where we make an alliance and I do things like chores to make money". I almost wanted to correct him by saying it's called allowance money, but I thought about the impact that the word 'allow' makes.

There was a subtle shift.

Allowance, to me, sounds like a power dynamic - I'm "allowing" my kids to have money. And isn't the money really meant as a way for both of us to have some goals met? Isn't it more accurate to think of it as an alliance?

And in the spirit of alliance, we sat down to have a talk about our goals, what was important about having money, and what each other wanted. Including what happens if we don't get what we wanted.

I was starting to feel anxious, icky, and twitchy.  I noticed that my IG use had gone way up during spring break - and how it stuck around as a nasty habit.  Yup, I needed an IG break.

I'm realizing that health and habits are really about where I put my attention.  Rather than having a window into other worlds, people, and places, I need to just be in the present and behind my own eyes and living my life.

Is belonging longing to be?  And longing to be seen, heard, understood, and accepted by others?

One of the things I love about being a coach is seeing and holding people's potential.  It's seeing them at their best when they might feel they're at their worst.  I'm so inspired when they've worked so hard to transform into who they're meant to be.  I love cheering people on!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Yes , I do have a seal clap.

On the topic of belonging, I often think of inner belonging.  I am quick to find parts of me as 'unacceptable'... and as such, I cast them away.  

What if I just made more room?  Room to tolerate and be with all the parts of me?

Sometimes I think of these parts as characters that I have in my living room - and I get to invite them in, make tea/coffee, and observe them.  And if it feels tight, I can make myself a more spacious inner house.

What can I make room for?

As a person in new communities, I often don't feel like I belong.  And then I question: what am I doing to foster my sense of belonging?  

While on Thetis Island, I joined a broom pulling worker bee with local residents.  I wanted to go, but the initial walk up to a group of people I don't know, strikes fear into my heart.  What if they don't like me?  What if I don't fit in?

I play out the tape - what if they don't like me... then I just decide to go home.  No harm done.  And what if they DO like me... then I've made new friends.  

.. and yes, I made new friends.

I've been seeing a lot of "own your story" messages on my feed these days.  

Yes, it's important to see myself as the main character of my life, and owning who I am.

And owning my story isn't my end goal.  I can get stuck in my story, constantly repeating it and clinging to it.  I can identify with it so much that it limits me and becomes another box that I need to fit into.  I lose being present to who is unfolding and becoming.

It's not perfect, but when I can, I try to drop the story, and just be in the moment.

I've been so excited as a few people that I coach have received promotions!  Big ones - more money, bigger head count, more responsibilities, all the things they've worked so hard towards.  If you've been coached by me, you know, I will ask "what will you do to celebrate?"

.. the answers are how I would celebrate a Friday, not a major promotion!

I get it, I struggle with celebrating too.  I worry that they'll find out I'm not that smart, as soon as I celebrate it will all go to s**t, or thinking this isn't a big deal.

And when we don't celebrate, and keep working - we burn out.  We're not giving ourselves a breather, relaxation, rest, savouring to prepare for the next challenge.  Celebration is the positive feelings that we need to keep going!  Celebrate the small stuff!

What are you celebrating - and how?!

I don’t know who needs to hear this - but go dance, Gangstar!

When I was training to be a coach at , there’s a name tag exercise in which you are given an archetype that embodies the opposite of ourselves. I was given Gangster! Oooh, did I love being a gangster!!

As I come across my tendency to people please, and knowing that I can’t change people and how they perceive me - it only makes me realize I need to double down on embracing myself.

I’m going to dance and rejoice in the wins I do have. And not give a F about the haters.