Soul'n Soma

I’m not here to give people better ways to perform intimacy.

I’m here for something much more real than that.

I work with individuals and couples who want intimacy to feel safer, clearer, more honest, and more alive. And that means we do not stay only in the mind, talking things through from a distance.

We also listen to the body.
To the nervous system.
To protective responses like shutdown, people-pleasing, tension, numbness, or overgiving.
To the deeper relational patterns underneath the struggle.

Because so often, what looks like “the problem” on the surface is not the whole story.

Sometimes it is not just about communication.
Sometimes it is about how safe it feels to tell the truth.
How safe it feels to have a boundary.
How safe it feels to want what you want.
How safe it feels to stay present in your body while being close to another person.

This is the heart of how I work.
Not just insight, but embodied awareness.
Not just words, but pacing.
Not just understanding, but learning how to meet yourself and each other with a little more honesty and care.

I work with people who long for intimacy that feels less confusing and more connected.
People who want to stop overriding themselves.
People who want repair, self-trust, deeper feeling, and relationships that do not keep asking them to abandon themselves.

If that speaks to something in you, you’re welcome here.

Follow for a more grounded conversation around intimacy, relationships, boundaries, and self-trust. 💛

A body can long for closeness and still need more safety, softness, or time.
That doesn’t make it confusing.
It makes it human.

You should not have to work this hard to figure out what someone does.
So here we are 😏

My name is Anke and I'm a Holistic Intimacy & Relationship Coach, and my work lives in the places where things often feel confusing, tender, charged, or hard to name.

I support people with things like:
✨ Repeating conflict loops
✨ Emotional disconnection
✨ Shutdown, numbness, and people-pleasing
✨ Desire and intimacy struggles
✨ Boundaries, consent, and honest communication
✨ Couples wanting repair and safer connection

A lot of what I do is help people slow down enough to understand what is happening in their bodies, their relationships, and their patterns – so they can move with more clarity, self-trust, and connection.

This work is not about having it all together, relating perfectly, or forcing intimacy.
It’s about creating something more honest, safe, and alive.

If you’ve been circling my work and wondering whether coaching with me might fit, you’re welcome to start with a free discovery call.
Link in bio or DM me 💛

📷 Milton Fanfa - Photography

In three weeks, it’s time again… 💫

On Monday 27 April, we meet inside the Awakening Pleasure container to slowly explore and connect with the cervix.

And honestly… for me, my cervix has been a whole journey.

My body can hold pain, tension, and resistance. There have been periods where that part of me felt anything but open, easy, or carefree. And that is part of why I care so much about this work. Because I know, from the inside out, that sexuality is not always simple. Sometimes it can feel tender, painful, guarded, confusing, or disconnecting.

But I’ve also learned that even when there is discomfort, there can still be connection.
Even when something isn’t fully relaxed, open, or “easy,” it can still be met.
And when I meet my cervix with patience, listening, and respect for her timing, something shifts.

For me, my cervix is very much a she.
For you, that might feel different.
But however you relate to this part of your body, many of us carry stories there.

Maybe your cervix feels numb.
Maybe she feels sensitive or painful.
Maybe pe*******on has taught her to protect.
Maybe you’ve never really connected with this beautiful, mysterious part of yourself at all.

This evening is not about forcing anything open.
Not about performance.
Not about having some perfect experience.

It’s about slowing down enough to actually listen.
To get curious.
To notice what is there.
And to let your body set the pace.

I can’t promise healing or one-night miracles.
But I can promise to guide you with care, patience, and clear invitations.
And I can promise that if your cervix is feeling shy, guarded, sleepy, sceptical, or a little dramatic 😏 – she will be welcome too.

So here is my invitation:
Come meet your cervix in slowness.
Come explore what happens when there is less pressure and more listening.
Come see what becomes possible when your body doesn’t have to rush.

If something in you is fluttering while reading this… that might be your sign. 💛

Love,
Anke (she/her) ✨
Holistic Intimacy & Relationship Coach

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how often people assume intimacy problems mean something is wrong with the relationship.

But so often, that’s not actually it.

Sometimes love is there – and the nervous system is tired.
Sometimes care is there – but resentment, shutdown, fear, or pressure are sitting in the room too.
Sometimes people really do want more closeness, but keep missing each other in the way they reach.

That’s part of why I wrote this new blog post:
How to Improve Intimacy in a Relationship
through a trauma-aware, consent-centred lens.

I share some of the most common patterns I see around intimacy – like conflict, desire mismatch, shutdown, resentment, and difficulty repairing after hurt – as well as a few simple tools to support more safety, honesty, and connection.

Because intimacy rarely deepens through pressure.
More often, it grows through safety, choice, and repair.

You can read it now via this link: www.ankevanmullem.com/blog/how-to-improve-intimacy-in-a-relationship ✨


📷 pikisuperstar on Freepik

Happy International Women’s Day 💛

This quote came from an invitation in a women’s group, where we were asked to respond to the question:
“What do women expect from (their) men?”
and also:
What is it like to be a woman, and what is the message men are invited to hear?

It felt like a meaningful question to sit with.

Because for me, being a woman is not something static.
It is movement.
It is rhythm.
It is emotion, intuition, change, sensitivity, strength.
It is being in relationship with life in a way that is not always linear, neat, or easy to explain.

And that is exactly why this quote matters to me.

Not because I want men to fix, manage, or contain that.
But because I believe there is something deeply beautiful when a woman does not have to become less of herself to be loved.
When she can be met in her fullness.
When there is steadiness without control.
Presence without pressure.
Support without suppression.

This touches the heart of my work through Soul’n Soma too.
I believe intimacy should feel safe, honest, and alive – and that pleasure is a form of self-trust, not performance.
So much of what I offer, whether in workshops or coaching, is about helping people come back into relationship with their bodies, their boundaries, their truth, and their capacity to feel.

Not smaller.
Not more convenient.
But more deeply connected.

And maybe that is also part of what many women long for:
to be loved without having to abandon their rhythm.
To be met without being managed.
To be held without being silenced.

The photo is from a summer memory in Norway, 2025 – a moment where I felt stunning, even though I hadn’t showered in over a week, only bathed in lakes and waterfalls. Nature was my medicine, and somehow I felt more myself than ever.

Happy Women’s Day to all the women finding their way in this flow – in their own way, and in their own time. 🌹

Boundaries and pleasure are best friends.
One doesn’t exist without the other.

Look at this picture – see my tired eyes? We’d been on the road for hours through snow and ice. Just before I got out of the car, I was definitely in Yellow: I’d been driving 2 hours through a full snow blizzard on the German highways.

So we stopped. We adjusted. I got out, felt the snow on my skin, threw a little snowball, got some food… and my system could settle again.

That’s the practice.

At any point in life – but especially before touch, before a date, before you say yes – try this quick check-in:

🟢 Green: a clear yes (open, curious)
🟡 Yellow: not sure yet (slow down / adjust)
🔴 Red: not available (pause / stop)

Yellow or Red isn’t “wrong.” It’s information. It’s your body asking for care, pace, and choice.

Try one of these (steal these words):
• “Can we slow down?”
• “Can we keep clothes on for a bit?”
• “Can you ask me again in 10 minutes?”
• “Not today – I want softness instead.”

A gentle reminder: Green doesn’t have to be excited – it can be a quiet yes. And you can move from Green → Yellow/Red at any moment.

🎧 If you want a guided version, my free Safety → Desire audio walks you through it in 3 minutes. Link in bio.