18/05/2020
Top 10 Survival Tips for Expat Educators
Congratulations! So you have gotten your dream job in some exotic locale. It is going to be huge change but you are up for the challenge. Here are some ideas to help support you in this transition and a few true stories from my lives lived abroad. I have taught in three countries and traveled and worked extensively in several others. Most of the advise for this column come from my experiences in Shanghai, China and Colombia
1. Learn the Language
Commit the time, money and energy to learn the local language. Be patient, laugh at yourself as
make mistakes. I ordered “pene con salsa” in Colombia once. It turns out that pens means p***s. I will never make that mistake again. Commit to studying and you will open a new world for yourself. It is helpful to reminded what your students likely struggle with daily.
2. Find YOUR People
Community is essential to happiness and connectedness in any place, but especially when living abroad. Do what you love and you will find people doing that too. When living in Shanghai Couchsurfing helped me connect to a community. Quickly I felt at home, could be myself, had people to cook for, and most importantly had a support network when things were hard. Balance social relations by build nurturing relationships at work but be sure to diversify and make friends elsewhere too.
3. Dating
If you are single, dating is the best way to learn a foreign language and meet people, but it can also be a huge challenge.
Relationships are hard even with fully communication and with someone from your own culture. Things can get exponentially complicated with language and cultural barriers. I have a theory that 25%-75% fluency in a language is the ideal window for cross-cultural dating. Let me explain. When I spoke only a few words of Spanish I could not maintain any relationship. As my language ability grew I could pursue deeper relationships. Years later when I was nearly fluent and one day I realized that I had learned too much Spanish to stay in my current relationship. It was much better when I understood less of what he said. Too bad, he was really cute.
There are so many ways for relationships to go wrong, be them cultural or linguistic.
Unfortunately this is a real story, “Baby, you never asked me if I was married. You only asked if I had a girlfriend. I never lied to you Baby. YOU just didn't ask me the right question.”
Point of caution: Moving abroad allowed me to redefine myself in many ways. I tried things that now I wish I hadn’t. I woke up naked, with no money and still drunk more than once. Those were not my people. I did not even want that to be me.
Random casual s*x is certainly a possibility as is a fulfilling intimate and monogamous relationship, but it is far too common for people to end up getting more or less than they bargained for. The number of dating mishaps is staggering.
Think twice before dating someone you work with. If it doesn't go well, you will still have to cross paths for the duration of your time. Trust me, it can be awkward at best and wildly uncomfortable or worse. On the other hand I know a number of happily married couples, some with kids that have met while teaching abroad and now they work, teach and travel as a family. So it is possible. Be safe and intentional and all will be well.
4. Get out of town-
Plan a trip to a nearby destination and give yourself something to look forward to.
Colombia has so many little villages, I could spend my life, one weekend at a time, getting to know them all. I have had to be selective, but after 6 years I know most of the notable ones, and a few in between.
Last month I booked a room on airbnb and had such a rush, just knowing I was going somewhere. It turned out the hotel was not in the town it was advertised in but 45min away. By accident, I discovered a quirky ghost town along a river. I was one of three people in the entire place. It was bizarre and magical. All around it was a tremendous adventure because the anticipation of going away was only bested by the surprise of arriving in an unexpected wonder. Even if you just spend the weekend in a hammock in a BnB in a neighboring town a change of scene will fuel you for the next bit. Be careful not to let the routine numb you.
5. Say YES to new things
GO to a new restaurant; find a new hiking trail; accept an invitation to meet a family. Immerse yourself and say YES to opportunities. Get to know the local culture, food, music and people. As with all good things, balance is essential. So keep that in mind but come with a sense of adventure. In China, I ate everything put in front of me, but I found that it was better to ask what it was after swallowing. Although Sea Cucumber was disgusting, I would never had tried the slimy clear gelatinous thing with the texture of old-jello covered in sauce if I had known. Now I can say with confidence that I don’t like sea cucumber.
6. Say NO to extra responsibility at work, especially in the beginning.
Teaching is demanding enough and in a new place you will have sufficient challenges & learning curves. A new teacher is always an easy target to unload tasks onto. We are eager, naive and ready to please. I took on comities chairs, special duties, extra roles and responsibilities all while teaching a new full course load. My first year I was even put in charge of hiring the next year’s staff. The impulse is to take on everything upon arrival because you have all this energy, excitement and enthusiasm. After that wears off you will inevitably have a slump and the extra tasks can be too much. So avoid the temptation to be involved in everything right away especially the really fun ones.
Make TIME for yourself:
7. Date night: Make one night a week that is all yours. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had date night even when I was single. I practiced dating myself. Wooing myself. It was fun to say, “No, sorry I can't make it. I have a date” and walk away.
Remember you deserve to have some time to celebrate and pamper yourself the way an ideal partner would. And if you have a special person, don’t you both deserve uninterrupted time together? Make that commitment to yourself and to each other.
8. Call in “sick” every now and then. Take a mental health day. If your school contract includes personal days, take them, if not make them. And then use that time for something that rejuvenates you so that you are ready to dive back into the work of the classroom.
One year I scheduled them out for the entire year ahead of time and made sure that I made the most of my time. I made long weekends, spent one-day painting, another at a hostel on the edge of a canyon where I could see the stars and went rock climbing in the morning. The few extra hours that you dedicate to your wellbeing will have monumental impact on your ability to devote yourself to your students when you return.
And if you really are sick stay home to rest and recover. You are no good to anyone that way. Recuperate and come back bringing your best.
9. Keep a journal- This transition is significant and deserves to be chronicled. The little things add up or melt together. Journaling guards the sweet delicious moments. Without it the days just melt into each other and you will be left with vague recollections. Honestly, I wish I had been consistent. In fact, it is my failure to do this that prompts me to recommend it. I yearn for what I have forgotten. I wish I had a clearer record. Now years are a mush in my head. It doesn't have to take much time; you can make this a habit with as little as 5 minutes each day- start TONIGHT. I will too.
10. Staying in touch? Home is just a click away. This could be a great thing but too often people are caught between worlds.
You have moved far away leaving your family and friends. The allure of the familiar comfort can be devastating to establishing connections in your new home. It can be lonely and isolating to live in a foreign country. So build your support network before you need it. Know that family and friends are still out there if you need them, but that friends on the ground may be more supportive because they have a clearer sense of your reality. So play with the balance.
There is a lot to think about when moving abroad. So much excitement and anxiety mixed into a delicious ball. I recommend focusing on three of these themes for a few months. Then when you are up for it add a few more to your routine. But just keep in mind to be gentle with yourself. You are entering a phase of change which can be both wildly exciting and shatteringly exhausting and lonely. Make the most of it. Be your own meat friend.
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