Face Your Flaws Coaching

I’m 400 days sober today and have just realised this is the first time in my life I am truly proud of the person I am.

I still have the negative voice telling me pfft, there are so many areas of your life you could be doing better.

But now I have the self compassion to congratulate myself for everything I have done to get here and refuse to let the old me voice tell me that where I am isn’t good enough.

That is just the perfectionist in me telling be I could be better. But today I choose to celebrate my achievements and just bathe in my pride. It was a bloody hard fight to get here so I’m soaking in every moment of it!

You've probably heard of the "fight or flight response." But did you know there are actually 7 trauma responses?

Trauma responses are the ways we unconsciously react to situations that trigger memories of past traumatic or negative events. It's our brains' way of responding to a threat to protect us from future trauma. So what are they?

1. Fight - an aggressive reaction of anger, shouting or violence

2. Flight - a panic reaction of avoidance, isolation or leaving

3. Freeze - an immobile reaction of numbing, withdrawal or inactivity

4. Fawn - an avoidance reaction of people-pleasing, self-blame or co-dependence

5. Faint - an unresponsive reaction of fainting due to stress

6. Fine - a denial reaction of the event, emotions or any impacts

7. Flood - an overwhelm reaction of panic, disorientation or loss of control.

These responses can show up in a variety of ways, and tend to change as we get older, due to the amount of unprocessed trauma we have.

Next time you experience one of these trauma responses, try to identify what may be causing it so you can start to heal.

Many of us have been told over the years that our lives would be better if we had more self-esteem.

We'd be so much happier if we'd only be more positive, take care of ourselves and see all the wonderful things about us.

And don't forget that no one will love you until you love yourself!

The problem is the majority of us can't simply flick the confidence switch from off to on. It's not a simple choice to go "Ahh, ok, why didn't I think of that? Of couse I'll just love myself more!" 🤦‍♀️

So let's start with some basic tips on how we can start building our self-esteem.

1 - Practice saying "no." This is a hard one because many of us who have experienced low-esteem are people pleasers. Our value is based on what others think of us so saying no is a risk that the person we say no to will think poorly of us. But saying yes when we don't really want to, generally results in us feeling bad about doing something we really don't want. Think about what you REALLY want to do before answering.

2 - Avoid negative self-talk. This is also hard because our inner self-critic has been there for a long time. The negative stories we tell ourselves are well worn and rehearsed. Take time to question whose voice is telling that story? Is it yours or someone else's and is the story actually true? As soon as you hear yourself say something negative, flip it to the positive opposite.

3 - Identify your strengths. We often focus on our weaknesses instead of our strengths. Maybe you're a good cook, or a great listener, or an accomplished musician. It doesn't matter, but everytime you tell yourself what you're bad at, remind yourself what you're good at.

4 - Exercise regularly. Exercise produces natural endorphins and those endorphins help our brains to feel happy. Even if it's a walk around the block, a YouTube yoga video or some light stretches, start by simply moving your body to get a hit of those natural good vibes.

5 - Celebrate your achievements. Take time to acknowledge your wins. Even if it's the smallest of things like doing the dishes or hanging out the washing when you really don't feel like it. Doing the little things that make you proud are just as important as the big things.

6 - Make time for you. As people pleasers, we tend to do everything for everyone else and pay little attention to our own needs. It leaves us exhausted and resentful and we blame ourselves for not standing up more. Make sure you take time for yourself, even if it's just sitting down to have a coffee, going for a walk or doing something you enjoy. Doing things that make your heart sing is entirely up to you.

At the end of the day, the only person who can boost your self-esteem is you. We need to unlearn our negative patterns to relearn positive ones, but these 6 tips will help you start.

Have you ever thought of all the things you've always wanted to do in life, but haven't, because of fear?

Fear keeps us small, stuck and stagnant.

There is no growth, learning or development under fear. Or joy, accomplishment and pride.

The only things fear produces are regret, resentment and remorse.

What if, instead of focusing on all the things that could go wrong, you focus on the things that could go right?

What if, instead of being worried about what other people will think of you, you focus on what you think of yourself?

What if, instead of thinking you don't know how to do it, you think you have the ability to find out how?

If you removed fear from your life, where, who and what could you be?

Don't let fear hold you back from striving for your dreams.

You only have one life - make it count!

A little podcast ep I did on my ADHD journey, overcoming weight and alcohol addiction, childhood trauma and the mindset needed to make long lasting behaviour change.

This is a great podcast for any neurodiverse Mums or if you have neurodiverse kids!

‎ADHD Mums: 51. Addiction and ADHD (Food and Alcohol) with Fiona McIntyre on Apple Podcasts ‎Show ADHD Mums, Ep 51. Addiction and ADHD (Food and Alcohol) with Fiona McIntyre - 16 Jan 2024

After being a binge drinker for 30 years, today is my one year soberversary!

Deciding to get sober is the biggest decision I've ever made, and if I had to sum up the journey in one word, it would be grit.

Getting sober has been like running a marathon - one I had to crawl across the finish line. It wasn’t pretty but I got there.

I fought every trigger and temptation, learnt new coping mechanisms, dealt with unresolved trauma and finally decided to love myself enough to create the sober life I deserve.

The anxiety, shame, guilt and self-loathing are gone and have been replaced with self-love, compassion and acceptance.

So if you're starting your own sober journey, just keep going. Even if it’s minute by minute.

Eventually you'll get there and I promise it will be worth it!

A few weeks ago I was a guest on the Spectrum Uncensored podcast, talking about my ADHD journey, the importance of supporting neurodivergent people and parents with neurodivergent children and overcoming trauma.

I’m super excited to share it with you!

‎Spectrum Uncensored: Spectrum Uncensored - Episode Fifteen - Fiona - ND Adult (ADHD)/Professional - Life Coach (Video) on Apple Podcasts ‎Show Spectrum Uncensored, Ep Spectrum Uncensored - Episode Fifteen - Fiona - ND Adult (ADHD)/Professional - Life Coach (Video) - 15 Dec 2023

Sometimes we talk ourselves out of change because we've never done it before.

Or, we've tried but didn't succeed, so trying again seems like a waste of time.

The thing is that every time we try to make a change, we learn something in that process. It might be what didn't work, so you get to try something else.

Think of all the changes you've made in your life - and when you really drill down, there will be plenty.

Think about what you did to prepare for that change, how you acclimatised to it, the different things you had to try and what led to your success.

You know you've made plenty of successful changes in the past, so why should this time be any different???

One of the hardest parts about seeking help is overcoming the fear you'll be judged.

I make it a priority to ensure my clients feel safe and secure to share their concerns with me and I'm here to listen and guide them.

I have no judgement for the way people live their lives - only empathy, compassion and understanding.

Thanks for your kind words Mel!

If you don’t see your worth, or treat yourself with respect, you won’t expect others to.

That leads to toxic relationships with people, who do not care about you, and will simply take whatever it is you are happy to give them.

These relationships leave the takers fulfilled and the givers deflated because they’re looking for their value and worth in others.

You have value for so many reasons. And if you’re in a place where you can’t see it right now, start off with the fact you are a person and all people have value.

Make that your starting point and work on identifying all the other reasons.

Once you have ONE reason you believe, the rest will come quickly.

We can’t ask others others to love us if we don’t love ourselves.

Give yourself the love, kindness and warmth you wish others had given you.

Believe in yourself. Challenge yourself. Love yourself enough to achieve your goal.

What goal will your future self thank you for?