30/12/2025
on shadow work
This year has been … work. Tre-men-dous work.
Work on my affect regulation. In the navigation of insane levels of distress, and of huge amounts of joy. In how to meet myself in states of deeply absorbing emotional activation.
Work on my attribution habits. In recognizing patterns of mind and learning the mechanisms of when it attributes which kind of judgemental idea to which kind of situation - in order to see this as a suggestion of my mind, not reality.
Work on my life organization as a person in ongoing company of ADHD. In the way I arrange appointments, time public transport, set reminders, timers, calendar events, post-its, send heads- and follow-ups, check in and out with folks.
Work on my self-concept. In collecting large amounts of feedback from many people in a variety of relations towards me. (Ex) lovers, teachers, students, acquaintances, etc. In listening to their view of me, selecting what’s to stay for integration, and what I trash.
Work on my self-esteem. In becoming more aware of the roles I put myself in when I get into relationships. In discovering patterns and their why. And in seeing what my so-far unreflected parts saw as a reward what in fact was self-harm. This led to:
Work on my boundaries: This year brought a major shift in this area. This change inhabits the body, not the mind. It’s a different way my body reacts to me sticking to my boundaries. It finally feels safe. After 3 decades of unbroken unsafety, it is now safe to have boundaries.
Work on my identity. In reflecting, journaling and journeying deeply for months, alone and in company, indoors and outdoors, with guides, teachers, friends, therapists, coaches and shamans, contemplating concepts of identity in different cultures and their view of life, aging, dying, body, mind and spirit.
I’ve done my shadow work for 2025.
Now off to a lust feast for Silvester, and to 365 new chances to become more aware and mindful.
With love, and in the name of In.Di.Go,
David
