MR. FIXER-Xpress

🎓 A freshly graduated doctor opened a small clinic with a sign that read:
“We treat any illness for $5. If we fail, we pay you $50!”

A clever lawyer strolling by spotted the sign and smirked.
“Finally — someone dumber than me,” he thought.
Time to make a quick $50.

He walks in.
Lawyer: “Doc, I’ve lost my sense of taste.”
Doctor: “Nurse, fetch medicine from Box #22. Three drops on his tongue.”

The nurse obliges. The lawyer gags.
Lawyer: “Ugh! That’s gasoline!”
Doctor: “Congratulations, your taste is back! That’ll be $5.”

The lawyer storms out, $5 lighter… but not defeated.

The next day, he's back.
Lawyer: “Doc, I can’t remember anything.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box #22 again, please.”
Lawyer: “Wait! That’s the same gasoline!”
Doctor: “Wonderful! Your memory’s returned. That’ll be $5.”

Now fuming and plotting revenge, the lawyer returns on Day 3.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve gone blind. I can’t see a thing.”
Doctor: pauses “Hmm... I don’t have a cure for that. Here’s your $50.”

He hands over an envelope.

The lawyer opens it and shouts,
Lawyer: “Hey! This is only $5!”
Doctor: “Fantastic — your vision’s back. That’ll be $5.”

Moral of the story:
🎯 Don’t mess with someone who’s got student loans and a sense of humor.

Did you know “The Gods Must be Crazy Movie”

The main actor of "The Gods Must Be Crazy", N!xau Toma, was only paid $300, even though the film produced in 1980 made over $200 million. He died a poor wretched bushman despite making millions of dollars for other people. He was hugely exploited at the negoting table. In fact, he was merely told what was negotiated and he accepted with happiness. Africans have always been exploited.

The film is basically about the conflict between the new order and the old epoch: The Namibian tribal people in a remote African desert live a happy life, but it is all torn to pieces when a Coca-Cola bottle falls from a plane.The confusion and myth surrounding the strange object disorganized the bushmen as they made efforts to unravel the mystery object.

He died on 5th July 2003 at the age of 59. He died a poor man because he was not only exploited but he lacked the necessary skills to even realised that he was exploited.
Yes he died poor after playing the lead role in a film that earned more than $200 million in revenue. Where else does it happen if not in Africa?

PHOTOS: UPDF soldiers have launched the most candid and heart warming PR Charm on Catholic Pilgrims.

They are seen blowing vuvuzellas and cheering on Pilgrims from Jinja Diocese as they crossed the Jinja Nile Bridge on their way to Namugongo.

HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THAT🥰🥰

They are also working together with Traffic police and Field Force Unit to ensure the safety of Pilgrims on the road.

Its my prayers that all pilgrims coming from different directions receive this kind of security especially after deaths and injuries registered in the last few days on their way to Namugongo

Salutes to our Soldiers 🍾

STORY: DON'T STAY IN A PLACE WHERE NO ONE SEES YOUR VALUE

“A father said to his daughter 🤠 "You just graduated, this is a car I bought a while ago... It is a few years old. But before I give it, take it to a car dealer in the city and sell it , see how much they offer.”

The girl came back to her father and said: "They offered 1000 euros because it looks very old"
The father said: Hold it and take it to the 2nd hand car dealer.

The girl returns to her father and says: "The pawn shop offered 100 euros because it is a very old car and lots of investments are needed to drive it again"

A father asked his daughter to join a passionate car club with experts and show them the car. The girl drove the car to the passionate car club, turned and said to her father: “Some people in the club offered me 100,000 euros because it is a rare car that is in good condition, with great capabilities and super difficult to find.”🤗

Then the father said, "I wanted to let you know that you are not worth anything if you are not in the right place." If you are not appreciated, do not be angry, that means you are in the wrong place.

"Don't stay in a place where no one sees your value 😉."

Thanks for reading 🙏

STORY: This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but watch this!"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?

Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"

The AirBus pilot laughs and says: "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry."

The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.

Dedicated to all my Friends ~ it’s time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip.

Malaria walk & Free Medical Camp, Happening on 23rd April, Sunday. Venue: Parliament
Medical activities include: Blood donation, Diabetes and High Blood Pressure Screening, Malaria Screening, Eye Sight Screening, Distribution of Reading Glasses and General Awareness

Join new WhatsApp group for details of how to participate in this noble cause.

Parliament: 23rd April Malaria Awareness walk WhatsApp Group Invite

MY THOUGHTS ON UGANDA AIRLINES.

I have met a number of people who have asked me why I have said nothing about Uganda airlines discussion going on now.
I normally don't join every conversation happening out here partly because I have plenty of work to do and sometimes I don't have facts. But well, I spent many years advocating for bringing back a national airline and I explained many times on radio, tvs including the print media why that was important. In our discussions, let's not forget the importance of a national airline. An airline is an infrastructure.

The reason you will never see Kenya Airlines, South African Airways and all the lose making airlines across the Continent not close, its because its an infrastructure.

When I'm a tourist in the UK who has say 5000 dollars to spend on a holiday abroad, I will consider afew things.

When I choose a destination, I will think first about the connectivity( I won't want to spend say 30 hours in transit unless its too important).

I will choose destinations with direct flights ahead of many others that don't have direct flights into their country.
The second thing I will think about is the easy with which I attain my visa to your country.

When I have my money to spend, I wouldn't want to go to a country I will struggle to attain my visa.
The thing we all have to remember/ appreciate is that we are land locked country.
So how does a lose making South African Airways benefit South Africa and South Africans?
The airline helps in creating a direct road in the air for spenders to go to South Africa, it also transports their goods to consuming countries, who are willing to pay higher prices.
When Uganda airlines transports a one Wekesa from Uganda to Tanzania, Uganda airlines earns money from already existing cash in the economy.
It's not new cash coming into the economy, it helps simply save some money but won't control the amount a Wekesa spends in Tanzania.
In the above case, it's better economically to transport a Tanzanian on Uganda airlines flying into Uganda.
Uganda wins twice, the money for the tickets and the spend on the ground by the Tanzanian. Say we collect 300 dollars on ticket and another 500 dollars earned by citizens
For the above to happen, we need a proper positioning strategy and the implementers must understand the game.
A Case in point, kenya airways started flying to New York in September 2018 I think.
But started marketing that route in the USA in 2013, through agency in the US.
Kenya Airways today flies a number of times in the week from New York to Nairobi and I have used it many times.
The plane belly is always full of hass ovacado being to transported to the USA and yes many returning American tourists who will have spent money in their economy.
So an American tourist will spend say 3k dollars on ticket and another 5k dollars in Kenyan economy and it becomes a numbers game.
Rwanda air intends to fly to New York too but started positioning of Rwanda air in the US in 2013, I have met their marketing guys at USTOA.
The government of Uganda made a right decision to start Uganda airlines but when you spend 400m dollars on buying equipment, you must spend over 10% of the same on positioning or marketing that equipment.
Uganda airlines right now has a clear strategy of making it work for us.
Ofcourse I took off time many times and engaged Uganda airlines team about how the national carrier should be positioned, I gave examples of what I have seen others do but to date nothing in that direction.
Uganda airlines should for example ferry Kenyan spenders into Uganda daily.
Kenya Airways have for example helped ferry Ugandans to spend money in Kenya year in year out.
Over 200k Ugandans spending an average of usd 2k per person go to Kenya every year.
Kenya earns from us over 400m dollars annually. Uganda airlines should help us earn from Kenyans.
Leadership of Uganda airlines must be one that understands the above and should be capable enough to make us achieve that.
That includes those who are put there as board members, otherwise, the reason for set up will be lost in between.
It will be sad to see it close