Diverging Together - Katrina Disbrowe-Wong

As parents, we are fed a misconception: that compliance = respect, and that if our child does not comply with our demand, they are being disrespectful. A troubling aspect of this harmful misconception is that I find it to be the basic principle that informs traditional parenting advice, as well as best practices at school and in many forms of children's therapy.

We equate compliance with respect and demand it of our children - which disrespects their autonomy. It teaches them that their wants, needs, opinions and feelings come secondarily (or not at all) to adults' demands of them.

If our goal is truly to raise respectful people, and not simply compliant people, we need to also model respect for our children and their personhood. We need to teach them how to respectfully dissent, how to advocate for their own needs, how to negotiate, how to express disagreement, and that their opinions and feelings are believed and matter.

This doesn't mean that we give them everything they want at all times. We still have to draw boundaries for safety and well-being where children may not be able to adequately predict consequences, and we can teach in those moments where we need to enforce non-negotiables. This is so much easier to do when the child trusts that they are heard, understood, and respected. They will be much more likely to be respectful in turn. But remember.... compliance is not the same thing as respect.

It's not always fun, but it is always necessary. ❤️

And it is soooo not fun when they do. 😂

Dinner at an autistic PDA household - if you know, you know! We don't have picky eaters, we have kids who do well when they can - and sometimes eating needs to be about connection and not food.

In our home, we don't have an issue getting kids to the table or getting them to eat, and I know this is a privilege that tons of PDA households don't get to enjoy. That said, we do nurture an environment where eating is a fun and connecting experience - and I think that is part of where I come from, culturally.

So this has always looked like: lots of talking, being silly, music playing, maybe the TV is on if there's an important sports event on. To be honest, I don't care much for arbitrary dinner table manners and rules. I sit with my legs tucked up underneath me for example, and I wasn't allowed to sit like that growing up because it was rude.

In tonight's dinner photo you can see the kiddo on the left was only able to eat grapes and goldfish tonight. Their food tolerance fluctuates - and usually they eat a big, varied diet, and they will enjoy probably about 90% of what I make for dinners. But at the moment it's a bit of a struggle, so eating what we can and connecting is all that matters... and a multivitamin helps fill the gaps.

You can see the phone and the iPad on the table - because there was a REALLY important game happening when we first sat down, of course! (The game was put down a few minutes into dinner, so that's no big deal).

You can see kiddo in the middle eating from their takeout bag. Because at this time, they had some leftovers, and that is what they are able to eat.
What you don't see is all of our silly, happy faces and hear all the laughter. We connect and have fun, and we happen to eat food while we're doing it.

Oh, and if anyone out there loves food and cooking like I do - I made pork seasoned in Greek dressing; crispy roasted red skin potatoes; pasta salad with Greek dressing, red onion, tomato, cucumber & feta, and tzatziki. 4/6 of us ate that, and at this table at least 3 of us are persistently demand avoidant.

This upcoming Saturday, April 27th, in London ON.
Please email: [email protected] to secure your spot.

Special focus on the PDA'ers experience, autistic burnout, and reduction of self-harm.
Please share with anyone you feel would benefit from learning better ways to parent highly demand-avoidant autistic & ADHD kiddos!

This is a really interesting article about the correlation of low-dopamine and ADHD, better explained than the "ADHD is caused by low dopamine" myth.

My brother Robin is the owner of Holy Sit Dog Training, and has obtained certifications from some very prestigious training academies. He specializes in building peaceful, loving relationships with our furry friends, and never uses force or intimidation tactics. He helped train my 2 furry babies (including our traumatized, large breed rescue), who are the sweetest friends that this neurodivergent mama could ever have ❤️

⛔️ A dog can only express the identity that they feel safest in.

If you want your dog to behave well so they feel safe FROM YOU ...

there are plenty of regular dog trainers that can "help".

🐾 But it is not what I do.

Pain and intimidation will never move the needle on your dog's trauma.

❤️🐕 Do you want your dog to behave well because they feel safe WITH YOU?

I'm here. I can help.

And I will never tell you to hurt or scare your dog.

Just let me know what you're struggling with.

Please read the full post, and the The Occuplaytional Therapist 's blog article posted in the comments. It is a long post, but in my humble opinion - the quintessential summary of the problem with ABA according to folks who've been traumatized by it.

But the author writes this with the utmost sensitivity and empathy which I find lacking in many conversations being had in public spaces about ABA. She has such an elegant manner of communicating in a way that really educates, empathizes, and unites people. I love this resource (The Occuplaytional Therapist)

Thanks for the discussion, as always, all of you lovely people. I am completely and utterly out of capacity for today, so I'm turning off the comments because I can't be here to moderate.

PDA Autism presents differently in each person who experiences it! Just like if you took every person who experiences any particular anxiety disorder - they would each share similarities and differences, and the way it presents would be different in each person. Here are some common, but often overlooked ways that PDA can present in our kiddos. Do any of these sound familiar in your Autistic PDA household?

To celebrate world autism day

My brain decided to have 2 seizures - one in the a.m and one after noon. I spent the day laying in a dark room with my dog, listening to ocean waves on my noise machine, too fatigued to get out of bed for long.

Me thinks it would be a good time to make a video about common co-occurring medical issues and connective tissue disorders, that autistic folks experience at disproportionately high rates.

I appreciate the concern of my friends and fam and want to reassure you I am doing okay.

Is it epilepsy?

I don't know. I don't have a diagnosis yet. All I know is I started having seizures somewhat recently, within the last year, so somewhere near my 40th birthday or so.

I have a neurologist now and am being treated and we're figuring stuff out. I hope to know more within the next few months/year.

It's hard to be patient through this because it's drastically altered my life and frankly I'm pretty sad and angry about it.

I was going to write an article about what lots of autistic folks wished you knew about but saw this article shared in a group and felt it sums it up.

10 Things Autistic People Wished You Knew about April & “Autism Awareness Month” Autistic people can speak for themselves, and they need your help to go this April for Autism Acceptance Month.