Puck Off To Bullying

Stop asking "How do we stop bullying?" It's not going away. It’s an unfortunate, hardwired part of human nature.

Instead, ask: How do we prepare our kids to survive it without losing themselves? Hurt feelings, dealing with anger or being yelled at during a game or a practice, bouncing back after a mistake...

Here is a quick cheat sheet by age:

Early Elementary (6–9): Teach the difference between an accident or a game play moment, vs. repeated unkindness. Practice walking away, and drill this absolute truth early: You are enough. Always. No matter what.

Later Elementary (9–12): Shift from rules to values. Teach boundaries, how to spot manipulation, and the power of letting go of what you can't control. To know the people around you that you can trust and talk to.

Adolescence (13–18): Ditch the lectures or glib advice, and start asking questions. Help them build confidence that doesn't rely on followers, popularity, or social media validation. Teach how not to internalize the hurt. You do not have to carry the stories that others put on you.

Young Adults: Bullies just change uniforms—workplace exclusion and toxic environments take over. They still need the same core skills: hard boundaries, emotional regulation, and knowing not only when to walk away, but who you can talk to.

The bottom line: We can't promise kids a world without adversity. But we can make sure pain doesn't get the final say. Most importantly, don't believe in the voice that isn't theirs to carry.

Who is living rent free in your head? Do they need to be there?

Sometimes the hardest thing is to let go of a person who has been part of an injustice, unfair practices, or unnecessary words and actions - especially when it is towards your child.

We've all been there. That incident, or coach, or parent, or player that has acted inappropriately and you gnaw on the situation like an old chew toy. Gnashing it between your teeth and giving the person(s) rent free accommodations in your head ends up hurting you, and potentially your kid.

Do what you can to address it, and then let it go.

Some strategies: include: To recognize what is in your control and what you are powerless over. You can write it down to get it out and tear it up to get closure. See a counselor or good friend that can help you find some release. Do some advocacy, or write a letter. Practice some redirection that is positive and proactive. Practice acceptance.

Use this free worksheet to identify who should be there and who shouldn't.

Remembe.. karma always laces up its skates. You just don't necessarily see the scoreboard in real time.

Happy Father's Day to ALL the hockey dads!

May your coffee be hot,
your hotel have free breakfast,
your kid remember their neck guard,
and the tournament schedule be released more than 14 minutes in advance.

Dream big. 😂

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As we move towards summer break and into a new hockey season, a valuable question to ask:

"If we treated psychological safety with the same seriousness as concussion protocols, what would change in our association , our parents, our team tomorrow?"

Coming soon!!

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For the introverted or socially anxious hockey moms trying to fit into a new team… You are enough. Remind yourself there is no right or wrong way to be you.

Keep it simple and try some of these strategies.
Smile and breath. Hold onto a keychain fidget in your pocket to stay grounded.

Remember you don't have to talk or start the conversation. You can listen. Stand. Smile. Breathe. Repeat. Maybe it is for 1 minute the first day. And 5 minutes after the first month.

Before you go - Visualize the arena- the sounds- the people - the awkward feeling - then breathe through it. Replace negative fearful thoughts with affirmations and self assurances. And don't regurgitate conversations or situations in your brain. What's past is past. Stay grounded.

Tell yourself I've got this. This takes courage ... I am brave. If you let go of self imposed expectations and comparisons it can help relieve the pressure. And let your kid take the lead to invite teammates to hang out. Even saying "good game" to kids as they come out of the dressing room can be a small step, and it will connect with their parents.

Remember - You've got this! And despite what it looks like, other parents are trying to figure it all out too!

I recently attended a presentation by Dr. Binfet (UBC) at a mental health summit about low cost/ low barrier ways to support youth mental health.

They did a study asking kids to plan acts of kindness...make it intentional. He shared how one kid planned to help a teammate, (who he wrote wasn't very good a hockey), score a goal because he never has. And he would do this on the following Sunday. It got me thinking: What if kindness/ anti-bullying, had its own practice plan?

So here it goes...A Kindness Practice Plan Example:

Warm-Up
Quick temperature check - stick up stick down stick parallel to answer the question how are you doing right now?
*Note the kids who are in the negative or neutral zone silently or as a group to direct extra support/kindness towards them.

Gratitude puck toss: say one name and one thing you appreciate/are thankful for and pass the puck to the next person.

Skill Drill (5 minutes)
Reminder to check in with your teammates -
“Hey, are you okay?”
And
Practice strategies that get dopamine flowing and engagement happening...laughter, encouragement, fist bumps.

In the locker room:
Game Simulation (5–10 minutes)

How can you show someone a kindness who...
Makes a mistake.
Is left out.
Is feeling bad for a penalty, a goal...
Use authentic examples from prior games.

Cool Down (2 minutes)
Reflect - what was one kind thing you did at practice today?
Or
What is one kind thing you can do when you get home.

Psychological safety isn’t a poster, a worksheet or a one day event—It’s a System. You teach it, role model it, and review, repeat, reinforce...and repeat again.