11/10/2025
I’ve been lying. I’m sorry. It’s true.
This smile has been hiding a ton.
Little have I allowed you all into my world.
Into my inner circle. Into what only some of the most intimate connections & relationships in my life have witnessed of me recently.
It’s been pretty torturous. I was running after proof.
Hours. Days. Months.
Truthfully years.
Proving my work, value, space, experience and expertise.
And it ran me to the ground.
Burnt. No matter how many tricks and tools, I attempted to implement, moments later I was back in the trenches.
Me that teaches mindset, transformation, adaptability, resilience, intuition. Me that had continuously chosen to bounce back, smile, find the fraction of good in every. Single. Situation.
Gone. Unrecognisable. Totally unable to shake myself out of it.
And I was hiding behind lies. Not lies to those I love but to myself. The greatest form of self abandonment.
How can you trust life, if you can no longer trust yourself?
I for years had heard “know your why” & for the longest time believed I operated from my heart’s highest expression.
The brutal realization: I had been operating for proof, for the glorious rush of the accomplishment. Here look ma’ I “made it”. Sorry Cindy, there’s no such thing as “make it”.
Reality check, the top of this mountain is the bottom of the next & life has this funny way of presenting you a reflection of exactly what’s within.
You let yourself run dry inside, too busy doing “all the things out there” hoping it fills you. Turns out all you find is a mirror reflected back to you of that same drouot.
The last few days I’ve been forced, to come back to my roots. Play, dance, creativity, surrender. Finally allowing life to co-create with me.
What a liberation I tell you, & what a continuously humbling journey. 🫡🤭😂
