Same Page Co

Questions are key to connection. Think of it as the secret ingredient to getting more cooperation, listening ears and fun times baked into your connection cake!!!​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​WHY? The truth of it is our kids spend a huge part of their day being TOLD what to do by their parents or teachers. So our curious questions show a child that we see them, we hear them and that what they have to say matters to us. It's like stepping into their world, rather than dragging them through ours all the time!!

How can you introduce questions like these ones?
▶ over the dinner table, make it a new part of your family routine and take turns going around the table
▶ driving in the car - sometimes when we are finding it hard to connect with someone, having a conversation side-by-side rather than face-to-face can feel a lot better
▶ with your tweens/teens - have fun and get chatting over text message

Questions like these ones, also give us so much insight into where our relationship might need some work, what's feeling really good and how to make important changes.

What are your favourite questions telling you?

🌟 FREE GUIDE ANNOUNCEMENT!! 🌟​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​We are incredibly EXCITED to share that we are launching not one, but TWO FREE guides for our wonderful community.

Introducing...

✨ Let's get confident with CONFIDENCE: Empowering our kids to build confidence + resilience - A guide

✨ Screen time, phones, and social media... oh my! Navigating the online world with your tween/teen - A guide

These 20+ page guides are packed with essential tips, practical strategies, the latest in science and thoughtful scripts to help you navigate the rollercoaster journey that is parenthood!!

Comment GUIDE to receive yours today!! 👇🏼👇🏼

Let's navigate this wild ride, together 🧡

Starting something can be easy.... but can you keep going? ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​So often our kids (and us adults too) are motivated enough to make a start on something, but something happens along the way to unravel it, and we never quite reach the end point we set out to achieve. We took one big step and didn't make it.

Enter... lots of small steps, over time! Reduce the overwhelm, keep motivation moving, and structure simple small steps to keep moving forward.

Write lists, keep a schedule, break big things into small things. Our favourite is to have post it notes with each small step - once you've focused on just one for a while, and finished it, scrunch it and bin it... let your kids have fun (or maybe it's you!) taking those post it notes down and taking the next small step when ready.

Remember, the 1% change you might make everyday builds up... and after a year, things look VERY different. It's not the amount of time we spend doing something, it's how OFTEN we do it that helps up really make a long term change!

It can be activating and heartbreaking in equal measure when our kids zone in on their appearance and we watch their confidence diminish. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​How quickly do we feel like swooping in and doing everything in our power to take away the hurt and the self-talk surrounding appearance?

What if we slowed down? What if we got more curious? What if we offered our power to connect and understand their struggle instead?

It's remembering this.... we can't take away the 'hard', but we can take away the 'alone'. Be with your kids in these moments instead of trying to take it away, and watch what happens!

What do you do when you have a kid who says to you, “I’m so stupid”, or “I can’t even read”, or “how come I suck at sport?” 🤷🏽‍♀️​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​It’s so hard when we hear these things, so let’s start with this… we need to teach our kids how hard learning something (new) is.

See, if we don’t understand why we struggle, we internalise it as our fault; that there's something wrong with us.

So what can we do here? Well you can share a story with your kid about something similar to what they’re struggling with now. Start by using these words… “Did I ever tell you about the time…” and then share your story of something you struggled with as a kid that relates to your kids struggle.

What do you struggle with? 👇🏼

A foundational idea to remember...​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Big feelings aka tantrums are a healthy and normal part of child development. We promise!

Tantrums are a sign that a child cannot manage the emotional demands of a situation. Biologically, this is dysregulation.

Essentially, tantrums are designed to restore physiological equilibrium and release feelings and frustrations. Tantrums are like stress relievers for kids that allow them to release the stress hormones that they have built up.

So what is the function of a tantrum from the adult lens? It lets an adult know that a child has reached their limit. For example, that they are hungry, tired, overwhelmed, under or over stimulated, or need a boundary.

Hold in mind that in these tricky moments, ALL feelings are allowed. ALL feelings are accepted. When we give permission for all feelings, then we can help a child learn how to regulate them 🧡

Does your kid struggle with motivation?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​FYI: this absolutely applies to adults too!!!

When it comes to motivation so often it’s not knowing HOW to get started.

We often think that motivation is the thing that our kid needs to get started, but interestingly enough, motivation often comes AFTER we get started. I’m sure you’ve experienced this too, once we get on a roll, ooo now we’re motivated, now we’re in the zone.

So instead of thinking, “why isn’t my kid motivated to do… “, ask yourself, “I wonder if my kid doesn’t know the first step to get started?”.

And this might feel helpful for you, “if something feels hard to start, the only thing that means is the first step isn’t small enough”.

When you hold that in mind, you’re really teaching your kid a life skill here. Make something so small that you can say, “I can do it”.

I love the 2 minute rule personally, but it might even start with writing one word of their assignment, because after a few of those small steps start to accumulate, we promise you, motivation will start to kick in 🌟

If you're up for giving this one a try, pop TRY in the comments below 👇🏼

Does your kid ask a TONNE of questions?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Anxiety can come through in behaviours in so many different forms. One of the ways it can show up is with kids who ask a lot of different questions, it’s kind of like information-seeking if you like.

A great way to see this type of anxiety is thinking of it this way: Anxiety is coupled with your underestimation of your ability to cope with it. And most of us, including our anxious kids, love to focus on the uncertainty side of that equation….

“If i could just get rid of the uncertainty, then I would feel better”.... But here’s the kicker, you can't solve the uncertainty side of the equation, we’ve tried, and can confirm, it doesn’t work, but what you CAN change is your coping.

If you have a kid who is asking a tonne of questions, giving them a tonne of information or answers, actually doesn’t help their anxiety because they get further and further away from their coping.

Now this is by no means us saying don’t give kids information, but I think you know the difference we're talking about… when their questions aren’t really answerable, and their questions are a sign that they’re information-seeking past the point that’s actually useful to them.

When this is present, trying naming what you know and what you don't know.

Trust us, it's gold!! 🌟

What is confidence?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Let’s talk about this dynamic about what’s inside of us vs what’s outside of us and here at Same Page Co we believe this is a critical dichotomy to talk about, and to us, this distinction is the essence of confidence building.

Confidence comes from the belief that who you are on the inside is good and valuable. Confidence cannot be built up by focusing on a child’s successes and accomplishments, because those are ‘outside’ of them. Who I am versus what I do, right?

So how do we really play around with this, especially with kids who have a lot of accomplishments and a lot of success?

First thing we’d invite you to think about is this: What are you reflecting back to your kid through your attention, through what you talk about with them?

Are you reflecting back a value on behaviour? Or are you reflecting back a value on things that are inside of them as traits or qualities that are more within their control?

What do you think? We'd love to hear your thoughts 👇🏼

When your kid is struggling...​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​If you find yourself thinking, “what’s wrong with my kid?”... we get it. It’s so common to interpret their tricky behaviour, their school refusal or anxiety in this way.

Here’s the thing: These interpretations automatically put you and your kid on opposite teams by defining them as the problem.

So how can we reframe the situation? Try thinking of it this way: “My kid is having a hard time, not giving me a hard time”.

Now, instead of seeing your kid as the problem, you can put yourself and your kid on the same team against the problem. And when we see it this way, we can remember that our kid’s struggles are a sign of where they need help - not a sign of who they are.

After all, this really is about a child struggling to tap into their own potential and capabilities. And that is something we can really help them with 🧡

How to respond to those words...​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

What do you say when your kid says to you, “you just don’t get it”...

Well, first tip, do not say, “yes I do”, this will only result in further escalation -- maybe you're already familiar with that. Instead, we'd love you to try these scripts.

Let us know your thoughts in the comments 👇🏼