Jessica Slingsby

What having a child with Autism has taught me❤️

It’s humbled me. I was very ignorant to the challenges that parents face who are dealing with not so compliant children. It’s very easy to be full of solutions from the outside but it’s something you can’t fully grasp unless you have lived with it in your home. I have cultivated empathy and compassion for others that I never would have had I not experienced this.

It taught me to be a present parent. Ask anyone that knows me to describe what kind of parent I was with my first two children, and they will tell you “laid-back” “chilled out” “easy going”
Really I was just checked out and very blessed to have 2 easy kids first 😅
My extremely inquisitive ASD child with zero risk assessment skills requires a high level of attunement round the clock, this was the biggest shock to my system and forced me to take a look at my life long coping strategy of regularly being dissociated.

It taught me to control my reactivity. My girl picks up on your energy way before she hears your words. To achieve the best outcome with her she requires you to be grounded and calm otherwise you will be met with a bigger reaction from her and you will make things way harder on yourself and her. I’ve had to build the skill of responding consciously rather than reacting. This has had a positive flow on affect with all of my other relationships. Don’t get me wrong I’m still human and don’t get it right all the time but the improvement in this area has been massive.

It’s required me to cultivate grit and strength. Some of my hardest days have been figuring out how to manage being a parent to a child with a disability and take care of myself and not neglect the easier kids. It’s been quite the juggling act. On the dark days that I’ve felt defeated and just want to quit, I’ve had to dig deep and find the strength to pick my head up and keep going. My babies deserve the best of me.

It’s taught me that there is always sunshine in the rain. You will never hear me say I’m grateful my child has autism, I’m not. However, there are things I’ve learnt and skills I’ve had to build that I never would have had I not been given the job of parenting an autistic child, and for that I’m grateful. Without gaslighting myself, because this s**t is testing as f*ck, my girl has taught me to expand my mind, shift my perspective from sitting in victim mode and to see the world differently.

I’ve learnt to sit with myself through pain, grief and fear. Because I’m required to be a present parent I’ve had to face my negative emotions. I’ve had to process the grief of letting go of the expectations of the life I envisioned for my daughter, the fear of not knowing whether she will ever be able to communicate with us, do life independently, have a relationship, a job, children etc.
Sitting with myself in these difficult emotions has strengthened my relationship with myself. No matter how hard it gets I know I’ll be ok and we will get through it 🥹🌻

Fear of judgement kills more dreams and happiness than making a mistake or failing ever does 💣💯

There are way too many powerful, uniquely talented, very intelligent women holding back their true expression because they fear what others think of them.

Missing out on deeply fulfilling relationships because they fear using their voice, they don’t know how to receive.

I know because I used to be that woman.

🫠 Blending in so as to not rock the boat
🫠 Shrinking myself so others felt comfortable
🫠 Being nice and agreeable to be seen as the laid back easy going gal
🫠 Avoiding conflict at all costs
🫠 Never asking for what I wanted or needed
🫠 Hiding my fully expressed self incase I was “too much”

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to get to the end of my life here on earth and regret that I didn’t actually live a life that was true to me.

F*CK THAT

I’m going all in on being my true self and being her CONFIDENTLY.

Want to work with me? Join me in the Confidence Project!!

Click the link in bio 🥳🙌🏽

It all starts with our relationship to ourselves and how we lead our own lives.

We get to take responsibility.

We get to set the standard.

We get to build our identity.

We get to choose to not be a victim.

🙏

You are stuck with yourself forever so you might as well work on the relationship you have with yourself.

It sets the tone for all of your other relationships. You can ignore and disconnect from yourself but you will still unconsciously attempt to get your needs met however it will just be in distorted ways. You will be living with constant inner conflict.

Inner trust builds confidence 🙌🏽

It can be uncomfortable and difficult to acknowledge how we are contributing to our relationship struggles

Remember to practice self compassion and kindness when accepting our own accountability and encouraging our partner to do the same ❤️

For as long as you don’t examine the depths of yourself you will continue to do whatever you are wired to do on auto pilot.

When you understand that you have choices, you can exercise those choices and you can access liberation.

Having a willingness to question the truths that you hold on so tight to and the perspectives that make them seem so real, will allow you to find your power.

Exploring what has shaped the lense though which you see the world, untangling the distortions without denial or over identification is what becomes a doorway to health and balance and discovering who you were meant to be ❤️

People cannot love you the way you need them to if you aren’t willing to be seen for who you truely are.

If you don’t know who you truely are make a commitment to keep gently exploring with curiosity.

Keep reconnecting with yourself, what’s true for you and how you feel in your body.

Practice showing up from the deepest place of authenticity within you that you ARE aware of ❤️

Self discovery is something I work closely with clients on. I currently have openings to work with me 1:1 you can Dm me or apply via the link in my bio x

Taking responsibility 🙌🏽

In 2020 my relationship broke down in the worst way I could have imagined. After some time apart we mutually decided we wanted to repair and try again. We couldn’t walk away at peace knowing we had tried everything.

We knew we couldn’t just wing it. We had to unpack what got our relationship in the state it was in and we knew it wasn’t going to be easy. We were right, it wasn’t easy but we are SO glad we showed up and did the work because it was worth it.

2 years on we are in the best place we have ever been. We are tighter than we ever were before and we have built a SOLID AF foundation that keeps us feeling secure even throughout life’s stormy weathers. What we learnt on this journey was priceless.

In this class I’m going to take you through every step we took that I believe was crucial in making it work. If you apply the learnings here you can shift the trajectory of your entire relationship.

It’s $79 now and will increase to $99 once the class has run. You do not need to attend live as you will have access to the recording for life.

I would LOVE to see you there 🥳❤️

Wednesday 11/1/23 7pm (GMT+8)

https://buy.stripe.com/bIYg0m4jQ2KngEgeUV

Been there, done that and it NEVER ends well.

You’re relationship is either evolving or deteriorating.

Whether it’s stagnant or drifting or even spinning out of control, there is only one way to change that and that’s uncovering what specifically isn’t working and how you are contributing to that.

The fact that you are the focus is great news because you can control YOU.

RELATIONSHIP MASTERCLASS is coming up on the 11th of this month. I am so excited to be delivering this class from a place of personal experience and insight🔥

Get in now for a discounted price and a FREE relationship health diagnostic tool. Link in bio ❤️

I see you over there playing small, keeping the peace and pretending you have no power 👀👀

But guess what bish!! Not this year.

That voice of yours is gonna be heard. You are transcending that s**t.

Now let’s go 🙌🏽🥳

Happy new year 🥳

5 of the many lessons I learnt from my relationship breakdown and repair.

I’ll be covering this and so much more in my upcoming masterclass RELATIONSHIP RENOVATION 11/1/23

Early bird pricing will be ending soon. Link in bio ❤️

Sometimes in avoiding conflict we actually cause it by

• sending mixed messages
• not being honest
• being passive aggressive
• giving silent treatment
• being sarcastic
• being petty
• speaking in a rude or aggressive tone

Even when you refuse to speak your body will still carry your emotions and speak for you in other (not so effective) ways.

🎉 I’M GIVING AWAY 3 COPIES OF MY UPCOMING WORKBOOK! (howtomeetyourself.com)

TO ENTER:

1. Like and share this post

2. Comment where you’re from

Winner will be chosen 11/20
*Open internationally

GOOD LUCK!

Never underestimate the value in feeling HEARD 👌🏽❤️🔥

When we reject parts of ourselves we only fuel the disconnection.

The road to healing requires us to inquire with COMPASSION and CURIOSITY 🖤

Your triggers are an INVITATION to integrate the fractured parts of you.

Be kind to yourself ❤️

Most people subconsciously enter into their relationships

It’s no coincidence that you keep attracting the same kind of partner or you have the same recurring conflicts play out in your relationships 🤯

Our subconscious mind is where all of our unintegrated trauma and shadows live 🧠

Our partners are one of our biggest mirrors so you best believe they are going to trigger you 🪞💥

The good news is that a trigger is an INVITATION from your subconscious telling you that something rooted far deeper than what’s happening in the present moment needs your attention 🧐🧐

Should our partner be understanding and sensitive towards our wounds? Yes absolutely, however they are not responsible for them, you are 💣

Your power lies in gaining self awareness.

It’s so easy to hold our partner to different standards than we do ourselves because we know our intentions are good yet we don’t let them off the hook so easily.

Owning your own red flags is a love language 🙌🏽🙌🏽

One of my red flags (or I’d like to think it’s more orange these days 😅) is defensiveness.

My default is to interpret feedback through the lense of “I’m not good enough”

I’ve been able to get so much better at taking ownership over the last few years instead of holding myself and my partner to a different expectation because my intentions are always “good”

Can you relate to this?

What are your red or orange flags?

Self awareness and ownership is sexy af 🤩

When my perspective on healing changed everything changed.

When I embraced the ugly parts of me that I was ashamed of everything changed.

A weight lifted.

There is nothing wrong with me.

Nothing to fix.

I became friends with myself.

I stopped gaslighting myself.

I gave validation to my life experiences that have caused me wounding.

I gave my pain a voice instead of pushing it away and hoping it would disappear.

When you nurture your relationship with yourself healing will naturally occur.

Growth will naturally happen.

It’s not linear. It’s not over night. It’s baby steps.

Then all of a sudden you notice that you have learnt skills to manage your reactions to triggers.

You can soothe your own nervous system.

You’ve learnt to communicate.

You can comfort yourself because YOU actually trust YOU.

You can actually hang out with yourself and enjoy your own company.

I know exactly who I am now. I’m actually a dope af human and I have a lot to offer.

Talking about myself like that in the past would have made me cringe. Would have crippled me with fear of what people might think.

Now I literally dgaf.

It’s a great place to be.

And it’s available to you if you’d just be willing to turn inwards.

If you feel the nudge and want help navigating the journey, I have 2 spaces available for 1:1 coaching. Dm me or apply via the link in my bio ❤️

DM your email to register ❤️❤️

Cultivating a healthy relationship with yourself is the foundation to being able to set boundaries with others.

How you lead your relationship with yourself is how you will lead your relationship with others.

I mean you can be nice and polite while asking for your deepest desires but….

Is the attachment to being nice and polite actually blocking you from receiving what you truely want? 👀👀

Incase you needed reminding 🥳

Happy Saturday beauties ❤️

Share if you think this will inspire others ❤️

It’s one thing to treat yourself kindly when things are going well but how do you treat yourself when s**t hits the fan?

Life will forever ebb and flow but what do you make it mean when you’re not meeting your own expectations? When life throws you trials and you react in unfavourable ways?

Do you dehumanise yourself? Or do you support yourself through it?

The circumstances I’ve been able to hold myself through over the last 2 years have built my inner trust to such levels that I am able to continue to move forward even through rough times instead of derailing or continuing in loops of being an as***le to myself.

Doing the work doesn’t mean we no longer experience hard times or pain, it means we’re able to have our own back through those times, process our emotions and intentionally look for learnings and growth from them to evolve as a human.

Hold yourself to a high standard YES but please don’t dehumanise and shame yourself through hard times- that’s not how you grow 🙏

Toot toot 🚂🚂🚂

There I said it.

There is no quicker way to kill intimacy and sexual desire than leaving your resentment unaddressed.

If you aren’t speaking your truth you are not truely connecting with your partner.

It’s on you to communicate your needs and desires babes ❤️

There is absolutely a place for positivity and optimism but even the most well intended agendas can become hurtful when somebody is in profound pain and there is no acknowledgement of their painful reality. This causes disconnection 💔

Offering the alternative can create such deep, beautiful connection and intimacy 🤌🏽

Context matters here. Something to be mindful of ❤️

It’s in the small moments when you choose a different way of being.

It’s when you notice that you said no instead of people pleasing and over functioning like you normally do.

It’s when you have the courage to speak up for your needs when you’d usually stay quiet.

It’s when you listen to your partners pain underneath their anger instead of being defensive.

It’s when you give your anger a voice instead of suppressing it.

It’s when you choose better for yourself because you actually believe you are worthy.

It’s when you walk away from someone that’s not good for you when you would usually continue to entertain the relationship.

It’s when you get curious and compassionate about your undesirable behaviours and patterns instead of gaslighting and abusing yourself.

It’s when you get to know yourself so well that you start to see your flaws as your biggest attributes.

It’s every time you choose to give up instant gratification to create long term gratification because you want that for your future self.

It’s when you don’t believe every fu**ed up thought your brain conjures up about yourself.

It’s when you realise your power comes from within and not from anything external.

It’s when you start to be able to soothe your own nervous system.

If you think you aren’t growing you are ❤️

There’s therapy then there is

T H E R A P Y 💦💦💦

Intimacy = In to me see.

To see into each other’s soul 🤯🔥😍

I’ve let go of perfectionism. I no longer need things to be perfect in order to get results.

I’ve accepted the way my brain works and I work with it instead of having a tantrum about why I can’t be more this way or more that way.

I have created great boundaries around my time and I intentionally use what spare time I have to do the things that light me up and move me towards my desires. Even if it’s in teeny tiny incremental steps. I’m always moving towards something not just drifting in a current with no paddle.

Literally if I have 15 minutes I’m going to breathe the fresh air at the beach. If I have 10 minutes I’ll read some of my book. I’ll listen to teachings while I’m doing housework or driving in the car. I don’t wait for the perfect time.

Our children HELP around the house. It’s non negotiable. They are learning valuable life skills.

My partner is on board with my desires and does what is in his capacity to always be supportive. This took me learning to communicate effectively instead of being a passive aggressive, resentful cow because I wasn’t getting what I WASN’T ASKING FOR 😅🙃

My nutrition and training consist of whatever the best choices are that I can make at the time. I no longer see these things through the lense of trying to punish myself with some unsustainable, heavy, rigid rules. It gets to be easy and enjoyable.

I’ve accepted my body isn’t perfect and I’m GENUINELY happy with it. I want to nourish it so it rewards me with higher levels of clarity, energy and a long life with my loved ones. Oh and I want to look like a M**F 🤷🏽‍♀️🔥

I’m healing from shame. I’m showing up as my authentic self, in real time, so the people that don’t vibe with me can move aside and make room for the people that love me as I am in all my messy, imperfect humanness.

I don’t believe the s**t stories my brain comes up with.

Oh & lastly I rest and take breaks whenever I can and I don’t feel bad about it 💅🏽