Empowered_Aquaintance_of_you

For real...

IMAGINE..... I JUST CAN'T

Ferhensha Gopi on Instagram: "Getting your calm on through simple tools you can keep around your desk, home, living room and car to help you soothe, relieve stress and anxiety. These are just a few I use: There are only 5 taste qualities of food...

Getting your calm on through simple tools you can keep around your desk, home, living room and car to help you soothe, relieve stress and anxiety.

These are just a few I use:

There are only 5 taste qualities of food (sweet, salty, bitter, sour and savoury) but there are more than 10000 scents.

Scents send signals to our limbic system, which is the sector of the brain that controls memory and emotion. According to a 2011 study conducted by Masahiro et al, positive emotions associated to scents have been proven to lower stress levels and improve overall mental health.

The pathway in the brain for scents is direct and the smell of something can so immediately trigger a detailed memory or even an intense emotion.

Playdough is a great stress-reliever

Kneading, rolling, flattening and punching the play dough provide the chance to relieve stress and reduce feelings of anxiety and worry. This especially helps in times of frustration and overwhelm to release that added energy which builds up.

The benefits of touch and texture can be really powerful! Tactile sensory stimulation activities may include a variety of objects with different textures to explore and touch. I love tactile stimulation. It is a big one for me to soothe.

Applying a hand cream

This can give you a soothing and peaceful experience and help release stress. The nice scents of the creams can help to calm your nerves and eliminate anxiety. (Make sure it isn't thr opposite reaction, choose your scents well for yourself and your memories associated and the effect it has on your body and mind. This is different for everyone.)

I will do a blog on the rest and flesh out the above more.

I hope some of these add value to your daily life.

Lots of love,
Ferhensha 🤎

Ferhensha Gopi on Instagram: "Getting your calm on through simple tools you can keep around your desk, home, living room and car to help you soothe, relieve stress and anxiety. These are just a few I use: There are only 5 taste qualities of food... Ferhensha Gopi shared a post on Instagram: "Getting your calm on through simple tools you can keep around your desk, home, living room and car to help you soothe, relieve stress and anxiety. These are just a few I use: There are only 5 taste qualities of food (sweet, salty, bitter, sour and savoury)...

Blog 2 on Boundaries is published.

I must say i love this one so much. It pulls everything togther so well.

Hope you get some time to read it and let me know how you feel?

I discuss boundaries specific to interconnected love interactions and family and friend relationships. Even though I decided to concentrate on those, the application is relevant to all living spaces.

Furthermore, a general understanding of what they are and how to set, apply and uphold them will be covered.

We hear and read about setting, applying and upholding of boundaries often across social platforms, but what are they?

What are these boundaries, and where do they come from that it is so incumbent we practice and place them in our lives?

Boundaries should be precise, direct & clear. There should be no space in setting a limit where one should read between the lines; one should explicitly state the limitations.

‘I can’t always hold space for you & it is tough to deal with when you suddenly offload on me, so can you please ask if I have capacity first, moving forward from this moment here before you send me a well-explained message of everything.’

These indeed work both ways. A person who can respect the boundaries of others is more comfortable setting boundaries with those people too.

Control of yourself comes from your self-healing, reflection & growth mindset. It is incumbent to sit with the shadow work to empower yourself with the ability to set & uphold healthy boundaries in your interaction, communication & connection circles.

Happy reading, boundary setting and self healing.

Lots of love,
F ❤️

Transformation processes are the necessary chaos before the calm and clarity.

The more we become aware and make an active attempt in placing tools into our daily lives to remind us of that reflection and awareness of self, the easier it becomes to recognize and take accountability for our unconscious behaviours.

Those behaviours and reactions we tend to just take as they are. That default setting which in most cases is heavily settled in our chosen or forged form of stress reaction.

The awareness of these things is a deep reckoning of self in every interaction we place ourselves in.

I realized that if someone makes fun of a person. It will only be seen as being shamed if the person being made fun of feels ashamed.

We dictate what kind of truths we wish to hold onto with regards to situations and experiences.

In our childhood we may have been skewed towards holding these false truths about ourselves by the examples we've seen and the patterns modelled and adopted around us and for ourselves in so many ways.

But, ask yourself...

Am I still that exact person who felt ashamed or who perceived something I did to someone else to shame them as shameful.

You probably are not that exact same person.

As an adult you can model the behaviour and truths for yourself now. You can choose. You get to define what shame means for you and you can let go of the feelings of being ashamed for something that you now have the power to change.

To accept, validate and become more aware of the person you wish to show up as daily in the here and now.

Let's of love,
F. ❤️

NB: Discount code for the workshop expires on the 28th of this month for subscribers to my blog.

Workshop 19 November 2022 R450.

My very first in-person solo workshop...

It's tangible the absolute concerns I have regarding its success. 😅

I have grown so much into my confident becoming, playing right into the heart of my identity that there is no fear.

Only calculated risks for upliftment and fulfillment.

I will be covering all the good stuff.

Identity identification using an amalgamation of resources surrounding DiSC, Jungian Archetypes, Johari window.

Heart rhythm breathing realignment session and relaxation as well as activation of appreciation for mental, emotional and physical health optimisation. (I will show you the proof)

A full detailed intermediate session of identity mapping using Neurographic art tree of identity. Water paint and meditation.

We will enjoy a couple of breaks, get some fresh air in the beautiful courtyard of the venue, you can see images in the blog via my bio.

There will be conscious food to snack on prepared by .kos.mos 's Mishkah G who will tell us a little something about the food she creates.

A day of self-discovery, self-love, self-investment.

Goodie bags will be tailored to the workshop and all materials will be provided.

A whole 5 hours of interaction and connection.

Those who struggle with anxiety, especially initial showing up to the workshop, DM me, your ticket gets you a free virtual anxiety breathing session before hand if you wish to claim it.

I hope to see you there. This workshop is open to everyone. I would love to see more dads, men, LGBTQIA + persons, solo parents, parents, young couples, mamas, women.

Disclaimer : The age restriction is 18 and over.

Please help me share this far and wide. 🙏

Lots of love,
F. ❤

Next blog of the series : Lived experiences of PPD and here Gen sheds light on PPA too and how it can be clouded and not seen because of the depression in lack.

Gen Putter, mum of a 6-year-old and the colour-filled fabulous human being I am glad to know personally. She is a postpartum doula, coach, content creator and founder of The New Normal on Instagram. Gen addresses relevant motherhood experiences in her content and holds space for these conversations. As she pours her heart out to spread awareness and create a knowledge space, she lives through it too. Here she shares with us her lived experiences of post-partum depression and the effect it had on her life.

Gen shares her story in detail and so openly bringing so much insight through her work as a pp doula and a mother who had experienced PPD/PPA first hand.

Her shares and conversations have given me language to talk about my own and realize that one could have both PPD and PPA.

I love this part because I do enjoy a good analogy...

Gen says : I love the analogy of a tree or plant. When it's not thriving and growing well, we first look at its environment. The conditions it needs to thrive- are sunlight, soil, and water. We don't automatically think there's something wrong with the plant. No, it's the context where the problem lies.

As she recollects her birthing experiences the unraveling is so relatable in so many ways and yet so individual too.

"I remember that first night in the hospital, just the two of us. He slept on my bare chest so peacefully; I slept so peacefully. We slept like this every night for the next two months, and it was bliss.

Things changed at around the three-month mark. A month later, I was in the throes of a perinatal mental health crisis."

Head over to the link in my bio to read the blog where Gen's story is shared in more detail.

Read the previous blog on two other lived experiences of postpartum depression there too. You will also find some helpful tips and information regarding getting help.

I hope you will take comfort in knowing you are not alone as you gain insight into these brave mothers’ journeys.

Lots of love,
F. ❤️

When I got to her office, two babes in tow, I burst into tears.
"I think I'm depressed." It was all I could muster. This is how the lived experiences of postpartum depression may show up. -

There are mothers all over the world beginning to speak up and share their hearts when it comes to experiences of post-partum depression.  Numerous real-lived experiences of those who have suffered in the unknown of this illness exist amongst us.  Some of us are ready to shed light on this clouded lonely road many have experienced in silence.

About one in seven birthing bodies suffer the challenges of post-partum depression following the birth of a child.  Even though PPD is a form of major depressive disorder (MDD), it is often underdiagnosed.  Despite the high hereditary percentage and profound effects on both mother and baby, it is understudied and inadequately treated.

Whose needs are most important?

Well, it should be that the needs of the baby are right up there with the needs of the primary caregiver and birthing person. As a constant sufferer of Borderline Personality Disorder, I was not completely surprised with having some mental health challenges after birth. During my pregnancy, I was also going through quite a tumultuous time regarding my career. Although, I could not relate this deep dark low to those experiences in those moments.

It seemed so sudden and too deep, too quick. I saw hope with research, the Instagram online mother community, and a partner willing to learn. Unfortunately, I would have never acknowledged and validated my emotional state at the time. And I would have never been able to heal from it through community and communication without those aspects.

Postpartum Depression isn't just the 'baby blues'.

It's being experienced. It is being lived through and it is very real.

Read the rest of the first blog of the series on my website. The link is in my bio. Share, leave your comments and spread awareness, be seen and know you are not alone.

The next blog I will be sharing
& our resident doula .h.e.n.e.w.n.o.r.m.a.l 's story.

Subscribe and you will be notified when the next one is up.

Lots of love,
Ferhensha

Communication styles differ according to our needs, our chosen personality traits and our dominant operating & interacting personas.

We may tend to communicate with everyone as we wish to be communicates with, but we forget that everyone operates differently from us and some may need more detail and others may need you to just get to the point.

Are you the type when someone just gets to the point you feel like they're being rude, insensitive and abrasive?

Are you the type when someone gives you a detailed explanation you're busy in your head with the words 'just get to the point already'?

How can we tell what type of communication style we're dealing with in a person whereas to best interact with them.

When we can communicate with each other in the styles of those we are trying to get a message across to, it is better received than we try to get a message across the way we wish to receive it.

Sounds complicated?

Join in this session where we will try to make better sense of it.

Book your space via the link in my bio.

It is a webinar.

See you there...

Lots of love,
F. ❤

It's been such a transformational journey thus far.

One which I wish every single person had access to & one I wish to be able to share freely to the masses, especially here in SA.

Tools which are easily accessible, which we can use daily & tools that work on our hardware whilst we work on the software.

But, the courses are so expensive & each algorithm has to be paid for separately.

I am happy to accept donations towards my Neurographica studies so I can bring it to more people more freely.

So, feel free to DM me as a sponsor or for session exchanges even.😁

It is such valuable work & such an extraordinary form of therapy.

Share, love, support ❤️

Lots of love,
F. ❤

At this weekend's workshop we had to stretch beyond our regular patterns and when it comes to fighting against what our brain believes to be the only way, it can become very tumultuous inside.

I forgot to talk about an important primary block. (Thank you so much for reminding me.)

Where we believe that we are as we are and that's it.

'That's just the way I am, it serves me well.'

'If it ain't broke, why fix it.'

--

We are built for growth & change.

I thought it was really important to talk about this reminder & to put it on my grid for those who attended & those who may want to attend future ones where we stretch beyond & change the very hardware we're made of.

So, you are able & capable of change through growth, rewiring & reorganisation by using numerous tools at your disposal.

Take advantage of that!

Lots of love,
F. ❤

Group Session holding coming up...

Book via the link in my bio.

Hope to see you there.

F. ❤

I remember it all...

It may have looked like a celebration back then when it was all I knew.

It may have looked like inclusion back then, when I was used to being excluded.

It may have seemed like I was made to feel like I belonged, because every other day I was outcast.

It may have seemed like there was space for me in all my melted cultural bliss showing up, because on every other day there was no welcoming & a spot beside those in the spot light.

A day where BIPOC dancers, performers & tradional upholders, show up in full colour & splendor show cased on stages & at events as the form of entertainment like pieces of art telling our story to the depths of bleeding hearts on the only day where a platform is created for our full authenticity.

What type of togetherness withers after a day...

Stereotypes held closely constantly used as materials of communication, entertainment & introductions in the name of inclusion.

What is it to be truly seen! Void of the boxes collectively labeled with behaviours adopted, copied & pasted then called a rainbow?

We are seeing ourselves! We are seen by each other now! We see! We know our worth.

We are taking up spaces because they were our spaces to begin with!

We belong!

We do not make art for entertainment of others!!!

We Are The Fu***ng Art!

Our bodies, minds, hearts & lives carry the stories, traumas, celebrations, fights, wins & losses of our heritage.

The land & the ground upon which we stand tell of our belonging & of our heritage.

The food, spices, patterns & clothes we hold on to in those most sacred holdings within safe spaces of validation, acceptance & upliftment is where in lies the heritage we carry in our bones, in our DNA from across the world & on this soil birthed & forged.

Do not stop. Show up! Take up space!

But, rest too. Take rest because this work shouldn't be ours, but it is on our shoulders where it weighs heavy. You are not alone.

The ball you drop, I will hold on to until you're able to pick it up again.

I see you. I am you.

Our children will know a heritage they will be proud to celebrate without the heavy weight of the continous work.

Celebrate our becoming. It is time!

Take a deep breath

Just taking a deep breath doesn't really do much to change the thought in your mind, the emotional experience you're in or the physiological happenings which have led to the reason you need to take a deep breath.

Activating the nervous system takes a lot more than an isolated breath.

Rather than breathing deeply, we can call it taking a large breath, because the diaphragm can only expand to a certain largeness to comfortably hold in that air.

One's nervous system is usually most activated when in a stressful position or situation. It's when we are attuned to feel the most, because we are built for survival & when there is a problem, there is focus and attention to fix it, or go into whichever stress response has served us & we've adopted as our regular go to.

There are a number of factors & practices which should serve as signs to your brain that you are actually okay & this is a problem where you need your smarts & not just your survival instincts.

This can be difficult to attain or replicate if we've been living in survival mode for so long.

So firstly we have to teach our brain what being clear, calm & safe feels & looks like within our physiological changes.

Like, relaxed muscles, loosened jaw, a cool breeze on that anxiety sweat off your forehead, fresh air & also where the deep breathing comes in...

A slower more gradual controlled breath.

You can make yourself panic by just taking short, shallow fast breaths. When your heart rate increases & you've just run far without planning it, your breathing automatically goes to that short, shallow quick gulps of air & oxygen.

This also leads to an impairment in thinking ability, because the heart speaks directly to the brain via the vagus nerve. It is giving the brain chaos signals.

In order to change that, we have to change the context from where those signals are coming.

The easiest way to do that is training your heart. You can do that through 3 important breathing techniques.

Three breathing techniques which Alters Brain Function.

I would love to take you through more of it & share these tools with you to optimise your state of living daily.

Get in touch

Lots of love
F.❤️

The zoomed in focus of anxiety only on the issue at hand can consume our beings in the moment of happening.

Being self aware in this time is so important. Having a mental garden of tools, known triggers & reactive behaviours can really help us know when to begin implementing self soothing & getting our prefrontal cortex back into the party.

We want to be able to rationally decide by retraining our brains of which situations are safe & manageable by us & which aren't.

The spaces manageable shouldn't immediately put us into one of the four stress responses.

Fight, flight, freeze & fawn.

By, practicing soothing & realigning tools within those manageable times, we teach ourselves that we can show up & get through these things & it isn't a life & death situation were we can just throw all the balls & latch on to a stress response.

Having the tools readily available at ones desk, kitchen counter, living room side table, bag or around the home also makes them more easily accessible & a sense of replenishment more easily accessible during those anxious experiences.

Here's a few little ones you can use.

Here's what I do.

● Keep peppermint essential oils in my bag, desk & kitchen. (The scent calms me)

● Bubblegum in all places

● Scented playdough in those places too

● Hand cream always around.

● A squishy spiky ball (I seek rough textures, you may seek smooth or soft, see how you feel, try different ones, take notes.)

● You can use promt words for those who are around to help. Like: Breathe, listen, talk to me, hold etc.

These will prompt your informed support person to respond in the way you may need. To talk to you about something random. To just listen or to hold your hand without questions etc.

Happy Friday.

Hope you don't need these in the weekend. If you do,ay they work for you beautifully.

Lots of love,
F. ❤

BIG NEWS!

I have a website!

(Still in progress, as it probably always will be, with me.😅)

O my goodness! It's taken me years. Literally. Ask who kept encouraging me for those said years.

My husband and I also just scheduled time every single day in the evenings & Saturday mornings & learnt what we could & just did it.

There's also a shop on it & this is my first celebration product/service on offer. So click on the link in my bio available till Friday noon only, to join me for this step towards healing.

This isn't a therapy session, but everything you acquire from within yourself & through this process you can take with you to therapy. It will create a lovely holding to begin with regarding the 'Mother wound'.

I hope you'll share, save & interact with me below. Your support is always so appreciated & warming to my heart.

Thank you.

What are your feelings around the mother wound?

Lots of love, always,
F. ❤️

Quick full body check ins without too much thought & effort that you can do anywhere, at your desk, on the couch, on a bench outside your office or on your bed at home before you leave the bed to start the day.

Create a happiness folder on your phone. It works wonders to reset the inner emotional state as you go through them & feel through them your brain will relive them & it's amazing for getting good hormone flowing with the least effort.

Also, I screengrab messages where friends thank me & say appreciative things to me, where people compliment me & send me loving messages, messages my husband sends me which make me smile & I have a folder for those. Reading through them even on days when you feel so blegh, it truly guides you towards a change in that state.

Try it, wherever you are now.

Just quick quick. Keep them to 3s even. 3 ankle rolls, 3 hip rolls etc.

May you go into the weekend tension free & ready to enjoy it for what it holds for you.

Lots of love,
F. 🤎