Janelle Carson MA, NCC, LPC

I offer psychotherapy, counseling, clinical hypnotherapy, life and career coaching services.

Operating as usual

04/20/2021

Being present is helpful. Sometimes people don't need solutions, and they don't want to hear about your experiences. Practice just holding space for people without telling them what's best.

It's not easy seeing someone in pain. And it's not helpful showing up for people in a way that harms them even further.

#nedranuggets

04/20/2021

I was talking to a dear friend, and she was sharing that she used to be able to put her little ones to bed in the evening and then get two hours of work done. And now she cannot. I was about to meet her story with some similar story about the old me vs the new me. And then we stopped. And we reminded ourselves and each other that the “old us” had never been through a global pandemic.⁣

Crises divide our lives into “the time before” and “the time after.” Doubly true for those who have lost someone to COVID.⁣

Here what we are going to be sweet to:⁣
* Our bodies: They may be a bit heavier, a bit softer, a bit less toned. AND these are the bodies that have carried us through days of fear, rage and uncertainty. These bodies are our homes.⁣
* Our emotions: They may be a bit more raw and less refined. Perhaps they are more flat. AND our emotions, all of them, are the understandable responses to extraordinary times. They don’t give us license to act any old kind of way, but they are worthy of our understanding.⁣
* Our productivity: Our to do lists may be getting longer. Our critical thinking skills may less critical. Our executive functioning may be less... executive. AND who gets to decide what is a reasonable amount of productivity in the face of a deadly virus? Gentleness only please.⁣

We do not know yet what these post-pandemic selves are capable of. I know for myself, I’m not targeting “getting back to my old self.” I am targeting “getting acquainted with my new self.” ⁣

Instead of dictating who and how we must be, what if we just observe who we are during our emergence? ⁣

What our post-pandemic selves can (or want to) handle may be quite difference from what our pre-pandemic selves handled.⁣

Instead of of judgment, what if we offer ourselves grace?⁣

What if we stay immensely optimistic about the wise, kind, resilient self that is wrought from challenge?⁣

I fear we are about to enter a chapter of inner turmoil AND interpersonal conflict. It’s hard to offer other people that which we are not offering ourselves. So these practices of offering compassion, observation, and grace to ourselves ALSO seed the possibility that we can offer the same to others.

Hearticulations: On Love, Friendship, and Healing 04/20/2021

Hearticulations: On Love, Friendship, and Healing

Hearticulations: On Love, Friendship, and Healing Hearticulations: On Love, Friendship, and Healing

Photos from Flourishing Homes & Families's post 04/20/2021

Photos from Flourishing Homes & Families's post

04/20/2021

It is free and being hosted by some of the best, so consider taking advantage of this summit;)

Looking forward to joining Tara Brach and friends in this year's Radical Self Compassion Challenge hosted by Sounds True

Together we'll explore core topics such as self-compassion, self-forgiveness, seeing goodness, and deepening lovingkindness! The FREE 10-Day Radical Compassion Challenge begins on 4/26, and registration is open now...

REGISTER HERE 💕 https://bit.ly/2RyXQfa

04/20/2021

Healthy friendships are good for your mental health. ⁣

Disclaimer: Research shows, if a friendship lasts beyond seven years, it's likely to be a lifetime.

Do you have healthy friendships? How are you nurturing them?

#nedranuggets⁣

04/19/2021

I, too, worried about how others might respond. And yet, I always felt relieved after being honest about was is and what isn't working. It takes a lot of energy to suffer in silence, and it takes a lot of energy (and pep talks) to speak your truth.

Hard things are not easy. And you can survive doing hard things.

Even with practice, you may fear the response from others. But you will never be able to change the way a person responds. Your job is to take care of yourself even when others push back or have a less than ideal response.

#setboundariesfindpeace
#nedranuggets

Photos from Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, Ph.D.'s post 04/19/2021

Photos from Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, Ph.D.'s post

04/19/2021

One of my favorite quotes is “No one will know the violence it took to become this gentle.“ -Unknown. ⁣

So many of us have ridden the roller coaster of emotions after surviving trauma. Vulnerability can feel like a threat to our survival and how we now see the world around us.⁣

Attempting, learning, demanding some sort of kindness to ourselves can be the first step on a path that grows and offers us what we’ve been looking for for far too long.⁣

I know it seems difficult to offer yourself kindness and compassion, but you will never be able to rescue the parts of you are that are hurting without it.⁣

Trust, that it is far braver to feel again and trust yourself to hold and guide further expressions of mercy and kindness to the parts of you who need it most, than to no longer feel at all. ⁣

Who is in? Cheers to engaging our sensitivity and seeing it for the strength that it is. 💞⁣

Self-Compassion Break Cleaned Audio | Insight Timer 04/18/2021

Self-Compassion Break Cleaned Audio | Insight Timer

Self-Compassion Break Cleaned Audio | Insight Timer A short meditation to help you tend to yourself in the midst of stress or difficulty. This is a cleaned audio version of the Self-Compassion Break recorded by the well-known meditation teacher Kristin Neff. It's about time you give yourself a break.

04/18/2021

When someone deflects taking responsibility for their actions or the hurt they’ve done by focusing on only your reaction (which may have been wrong too!) this is a major red flag for gaslighting and narcissism.

When a situation like this happens, apologize for your reaction (if it was hurtful and impulsive) and try bring the conversation back to the original issue. You may need to allow some time for emotions to down, and restart the conversation with something like this “my reaction was wrong and I do apologize for that. I was reacting to your statement/action because it made me feel____. Did you mean this? Can you help me understand what you meant?”

If they repeatedly avoid taking responsibility and make you feel like it is all your fault you may need to:

1. Set as enforce boundaries
2. Talk to a professional
3. Bring in a third party to help mediate
4. Accept you may not get the apology you deserve but that doesn’t have to hold you back from healing and growth. You can take responsibility for your own self

04/18/2021

How have your friendships changed, grown, or shifted on your healing journey? #selfhealers

04/18/2021

A healthy partner will be tender towards the emotional wounds of your past, sure, but a partner should never be given the job of walking on eggshells...

Your triggers are your work.

Get some help, perhaps from a therapist, a support group, or whatever types of a healing professionals you think you might click with, and do your work.

It’s a major part of loving the people around you.

You can do this.

❤️

- National Infertility Awareness Week 04/18/2021

- National Infertility Awareness Week

- National Infertility Awareness Week In 2020, we proved that nothing could hold back the power of National Infertility Awareness Week®. Let’s do it again, April 18-24th, 2021. Let’s use NIAW to raise our voices, talk about the issues facing this community and make sure we continue to support those most in need.

04/18/2021

As an adult, loving and honoring your parents does not equal obeying. God placed you with your parents for a season of time to help you grow into a mature adult. At some point this season ends, and your relationship with your mom and dad changes from child-to-parent to adult-to-adult. The roles change from dependency and authority to mutuality. While you are to respect and care for your parents, you are no longer under their protection and tutelage. Children are to obey parents, while adult children are to love and honor them. Therefore, sometimes you will need to confront parents, disobeying their desire for you to agree with them or go along with a bad situation.

04/18/2021

This one might not be so popular, but it’s something I think a lot of parents need to hear.

Photos from Nedra Tawwab's post 04/17/2021

Photos from Nedra Tawwab's post

04/17/2021

Choosing yourself may look like saying “no” to others. And not doing things beyond your capacity.

You are not selfish for taking care of yourself.

#nedranuggets

04/17/2021

{Cutting people off does not mean that you are a terrible person.}⁣⁠
⁣⁠
In most cases, we try until we can't do anything else before cutting people off. Sometimes, a healthy choice for you hurts someone else. ⁣⁠
⁣⁠
Cutting someone off is the act of severing ties with another person. This can happen abruptly or in a planned manner. When it occurs suddenly, the cut-off is considered ghosting. For many, ghosting hurts because there is no finality or conversation around the cutoff. ⁣⁠Sometimes ghosting is the only way to be comfortable leaving.
⁣⁠
What is your experience with cutting people off or being cut off? ⁣⁠
⁣⁠
#nedranuggets

04/15/2021

Relationship therapists talk a lot about “the over-functioning / under-functioning dynamic.”⁣
* Sometimes you see this dynamic between parents and adolescents or young adults.⁣
* Sometimes you see this dynamic with a couple.⁣

We’re gonna focus here on couples.⁣

The partner in the over-functioning role:⁣
* Does all the heavy lifting— emotionally, practically, financially, sexually, domestically, whatever. ⁣
* Sticks all kinds of labels on the partner in the under-functioning role: they are lazy, belligerent, narcissistic, entitled, etc.⁣
* Feels overwhelmed, lonely, and misunderstood.⁣

The partner in the under-functioning role:⁣
* Waits to be told what to do, shirks duties, does not keep their word, retreats.⁣
* Sticks all kinds of labels on the partner in the over-functioning role: they are rigid, controlling, naggy (see previous post on that trigger word!).⁣
* Feels overwhelmed, lonely, and misunderstood.⁣

When a therapist is working with a couple like this, the first order of business is to help the couple see this as a DYNAMIC!!! ⁣

We have to move from pointing fingers to looking together at the choreography.⁣

The more Partner A over-functions, the more Partner B under-functions. The more Partner B under-functions, the more Partner A over-functions. ⁣

These roles are entwined.⁣

If either one changes up their “dance moves,” the dance cannot continue in the same way.⁣

If you’re the therapist, where do you try to create change first?⁣
* Do you help the under-functioning partner step the eff up?⁣
* Do you help the over-functioning partner step the eff back?⁣
Sure!⁣

As one of my favorite teachers, Dr. Les Greenberg, says, “You dig where the ground is soft.” ⁣

If you’re in a couple dynamic like this, what should you do? Change up your dance moves! If you don’t do what you’ve always done, your partner can’t do what they have always done. I honor that this is hella complicated, but I’m inviting you into reflection. The only person you can change is yourself. But remember that changing yourself changes the system, so do NOT underestimate your power.⁣

If this topic lands, we’ll circle back and dig into how old family patterns fuel this dynamic.

04/15/2021

Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you’re good enough, self-compassion asks what’s good for you? - Kristin Neff #selfcompassion

Shared from @neffselfcompassion - https://bit.ly/3gaCIGo

04/15/2021
04/14/2021

You don't have to force your way through one-sided conversations—particularly when those conversations impact how you feel and function once they are over. 

Passively listening is not the way to manage the stress of having one-sided conversations. 

Try this: 
1. Redirecting the conversation. 
2. Not asking triggering questions such as, "how are you?" 
3. Talk to them when you have the emotional capacity to engage. 
4. Speak up more in the conversation.

#nedranuggets

I'm Tired of Basic Human Needs Being Seen As "Self-Care" for Women. | Filter Free Parents 04/12/2021

I'm Tired of Basic Human Needs Being Seen As "Self-Care" for Women. | Filter Free Parents

I'm Tired of Basic Human Needs Being Seen As "Self-Care" for Women. | Filter Free Parents A shower or trip to the grocery store alone is not self-care for women, no matter who tries to convince you otherwise - don't fall for it.

How Stress Affects Your Body, From Your Brain to Your Digestive System | Everyday Health 04/11/2021

How Stress Affects Your Body, From Your Brain to Your Digestive System | Everyday Health

How Stress Affects Your Body, From Your Brain to Your Digestive System | Everyday Health The way stress affects the body can range from a quick chest flutter to serious issues like depression and an increased risk for heart attack and stroke. Find out how stress affects you, and how to control it.

04/10/2021

You can repeat the pattern or create a new one. It is not easy, but it may be the healthiest solution. Changing yourself and your level of involvement changes your relationships.

Choose peace over dysfunction.
#nedranuggets
#setboundariesfindpeace

04/10/2021

The world is ready for what you have to offer...

Listen to Gabor Maté speaking in the USA: June 2021 04/05/2021

Listen to Gabor Maté speaking in the USA: June 2021

Listen to Gabor Maté speaking in the USA: June 2021 For the first time, the Virtual Trauma Recovery Summit will take place over 3 days. Join us online for our global, CPD accredited event on 21-23 June 2021.

Photos from Shadows of the Eclectic's post 04/04/2021

Photos from Shadows of the Eclectic's post

04/02/2021

💛

04/02/2021

@movements ts_for_change

04/02/2021

Kids don’t learn how to cope with painful emotions - when adults pretend there are no problems going on.

04/01/2021

Therapy is a self-care practice and a place for you to learn more about yourself. Therapy is where you learn the tools to exist and show up in your life in a different way. Sometimes people go in crisis and sometimes began therapy to process as things come up.

Deciding to go to therapy is a brave way to become more of yourself.

#nedranuggets

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14603 Huebner Road, Building 6
San Antonio, TX
78230

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