Passion Provokers

Don’t you hate it when you respond to your partner in anger??? Or when your love hears your ask for, well anything, as control? (According to the Gottman Institute’s relationship research, 69% of heteros*xual men insert negativity into the conversation where none need be. 😳)

Ughhhhh.

Dirty fighting almost killed our coupleship, but here we are! I was really good at using all of our past yuck against Jami (kitchen-sinking it) and he was really good and being emotionally distant and abandoning of me (control/abandonment cycle 101). Honestly we were in the verge of separating, and, friends, the grass is definitely NOT greener...

Not cool any way you slice it.

Is this resonating with you?

Crazily (miraculously really) we learned how to stop the dirty fighting. It was strange, uncomfortable, hard, and confusing but it has been so worth it!

You can have this, too.

The key to managing the tension in your coupleship—and actually any relationship in your life—is to remember that most issues are not problems to solve, rather they are tensions to manage.

Managing tensions works really well when you...

💥 Stop defending;
💥 Listen with intent to actually hear and empathize with your partner’s feelings;
💥 Resist the urge to blame;
💥 Know what your core feelings are and share them gently (check out the feeling identification wheel in the comments);
💥 Communicate these feelings in a kind and respectful way (“I” instead of “you”);

This is called “speaking your truth in love.”

Guys, getting to this place of connection and intimacy is WORTH IT!

What can you do today to change the old, worn-out, irritated, frustrated relationship story?

Ready to get our game on! B O I S E…….. S T A T E!!!! Playing Fresno State. 🧡🙏🏻🤗

Ahhhhhh, yes. Breathe this in for a sec...

How are you feeling about this equation?

One thing I know is that our world could use a lot more of this. And so could coupleships. To be clear the “emotion” piece represents expressing my emotions—the good, the bad, the ugly (side note: there are no “bad” emotions; ALL feelings are important and are telling us something important if we’ll stop and listen carefully to our heartspeak)—in a healthy, loving, and humble way.

Have we lost our ability to truly LOVE EACHOTHER??? Have we sacrificed loving our partners for being right?

We certainly do not have to agree and I am absolutely comfortable with agreeing to disagree. What I’m not okay with is superiority, hate, raging, and name-calling just to name a few.

I fully admit that I have struggled with these things that I hate. I intentionally take time daily to move through the hard feelings. And it. Is. Hard. But it is saving my heart and some difficult relationships in my life.

Would you be willing to join me in practicing love (healthy expressions of feelings coupled with empathy) on the daily???

I’d love to re-create a new world with you, one where the flourishing of all creation is at the center. Let’s change the world together!

xoxo,
~m

This. So much more of this. 🧡🙏🏻 Especially for myself/ yourself!

Are you wayyyyy more judgey of yourself than others? (Note: you often judge others because you are consistently judging yourself! Trust me, I know because it’s me at my worst.😵) Are you kinda judgy of your spouse? (Would you rather be right than in relationship? Something important to consider…)

So what causes this? Shame. (Just ask who has been researching shame since 2000. And if you haven’t read her work, or haven’t seen her TedTalks, do it!)

"Shame" isn't a four-letter word but it really needs to be because it effs you up big time! Shame is truly what kills your heart and soul. It's the ultimate soul-killer. Anddddd it’s the ultimate coupleship killer.

Here’s a little about my shame journey...

It was in 1995 that I began to realize that I had been living a life based on my shame. Everything I said and did I carefully adjusted to make sure that I would not be disapproved of (can you relate?). My core shame created this belief in me that I was not enough, therefore I needed to perform, be perfect in all areas, and do it with such finesse that I would never be 'found out' for the fraud I was. This was all very unconscious at the time, but as I began to embark on the journey of healing, I came face to face with my addictions.

No, I was not addicted to drugs, alcohol, medications, s*x, work or rage. I was addicted to approval. Ughh. I was addicted to perfectionism (creating the façade that everything around me was “perfect”). I was addicted to being right (hmmmmm right over relationship much!). More ugghhh. And I literally felt unsafe whenever I was wrong.

Fortunately, this is not the end of my story...

If you resonate with this, it may be time to eliminate it from your core. It's not easy but it's oh, so worth it.

Because in the end, we all become stories. What will yours be?

Choose healing forward, friends. I am. 🧡🙏🏻

xoxo

This Burning Man sculpture gets me in the feels every time...🧡

This is what the heart yearns for.

What is your heart yearning for in your coupleship?

Turn towards today,
~m

AI Portraits Imagine How Celebrities Would Look If They Were Still Alive Today

What if they lived… what will you do with your life! We hope you will use the tools and live abundantly!

AI Portraits Imagine How Celebrities Would Look If They Were Still Alive Today What if the biggest icons who were taken too soon were still alive…

Marguerite Annie Johnson was born in St Louis, Missouri in 1928. When she was 8 years old, her mother's boyfriend s*xually abused and rap...

Trauma recovery is always possible.

Marguerite Annie Johnson was born in St Louis, Missouri in 1928. When she was 8 years old, her mother's boyfriend s*xually abused and rap... Marguerite Annie Johnson was born in St Louis, Missouri in 1928. When she was 8 years old, her mother's boyfriend s*xually abused and r***d her. He only spent one night in jail, but was murdered four days later, most likely by one of Johnson's uncles.⁣ ⁣ For the next 5 years, Johnson became a m....

Well, , 2nd rain-out of the season and we love you always rain or shine! Fantastic date night with my love!!!

Always an adventure! 💓⚡️❤️‍🔥

Who’s a recovering control freak (and recovering approval addict)??? 🙋‍♀️This girl🙋‍♀️

Yep, and I know exactly where it comes from... Are you leaning in for this?

The fear of being judged or disapproved of. Yikes.

When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success (control), popularity (control), perfection (control), being “right” (control), and power (control) are easily perceived as attractive solutions. (Note: none of these things are wrong; it’s when they become the idols we worship that they are dangerous and life-sucking.)

The real trap, however, is self-rejection. Reject myself before anybody else can reject me... Resonate? Me, too.

Throughout my life, as soon as someone accused me or criticized me, as soon as I was rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I too-often found myself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I am unimportant” … [My dark side says,] “I am no good, it worthy of love and acceptance… I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned.” (It still happens once in a while but mostly it’s been vanquished—layers of the onion and such…)

Self-rejection is the greatest enemy
—of coupleships (almost killed ours because Jami and I were b o t h rejecting ourselves!)
—dreams,
—of peace, empowerment and joy,
—of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.”

Philosopher, theologian, and humble sage Henri Nouwen writes, “Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.”

The core truth of our existence is being the Beloved...

Sink your teeth into that delicious morsel of truth. Wowza.

You are in control of this fight for freedom from control. And YOU ARE WORTHY of your name The Beloved. Embrace it today and know that you are loved, important, and valuable because you are the Beloved.

Have a beautiful day loving yourself more!
~m

Ah, difficult words to consistently live by, aren’t they?

Certainly for me they are! And when I don’t live by them I suffer. My coupleship suffers.

True story: .love would rather hear me fearlessly and gently express my truth than suppress it out of fear of being misunderstood or abandoned.

These are unprecedented times. The stress level in coupleships is higher than ever before and you don’t have to let it take your best dreams away from you.

So what can you do right now???

The answer is to cherish yourself enough to have a better conversation. This means doing things that you have not done.

It means making better agreements as you grow so that you can grow together instead of apart.

It means getting honest about your online shopping addiction, your p**n use, your busyness, your stubbornness, or who is making you feel good about yourself on social media, or whatever other numbing-out technique you’re choosing at the moment.

It means letting your feelings about finances or how your partner treats you be felt and known in humility and love.

It means doing the hardest thing you’ll ever do...be truthful, gentle, and fearless. 🧡🙏🏻

Ah, difficult words to consistently live by, aren’t they?

Certainly for me they are! And when I don’t live by them I suffer. My coupleship suffers.

True story: Jami would rather hear me fearlessly and gently express my truth than suppress it out of fear of being misunderstood or abandoned.

These are unprecedented times. The stress level in coupleships is higher than ever before and you don’t have to let it take your best dreams away from you.

So what can you do right now???

The answer is to cherish yourself enough to have a better conversation. This means doing things that you have not done.

It means making better agreements as you grow so that you can grow together instead of apart.

It means getting honest about your online shopping addiction, your p**n use, your busyness, your stubbornness, or who is making you feel good about yourself on social media, or whatever other numbing-out technique you’re choosing at the moment.

It means letting your feelings about finances or how your partner treats you be felt and known in humility and love.

It means doing the hardest thing you’ll ever do...be truthful, gentle, and fearless. 🧡🙏🏻

Are you an over-thinker? Do you go over all of the possible scenarios and replay conversations wishing you had said it differently or not at all??

This used to be me (and still sometimes is). And all-too-often is was spinning at night beating myself up for not being “enough” for Jami to love me like I loved him. Feeling heartbroken, betrayed, and alone I made up I was not worth being cherished, valued, and adored.

Too many hours of sleep and connected, present time lost forever. I struggled with forgiving Jami but more importantly I couldn’t forgive myself. And then I did…over and over again. FREEDOM!

I feel grateful and peaceful to be here now letting that sh** go more often than not!

Peaceful, empowering, humbling, joyful...🧡

It’s what we’re made for. 🧡🙏🏻

You really are the hero especially when you choose connection over confusion, humility over hostility, and joy over judgement...

What does this look like in your coupleship?

✅ When you partner reaches out for connection, turn towards them and respond with love and empathy even when you don’t feel like it.

✅ Release your impulse to be right rather than maintain relationship.

✅ Choose intimacy over distance. It really is a choice.

Be the hero of your relationship story.

Because in the end, we all become stories.

Be the hero.

Because you are born for it.

xoxo

This. Is. Hard.

And self-love is THE key to a long-lasting, intimate love in your coupleship.

I have worked HARD on this for sooooo long and still have days that I’m just not feeling it,

Well, crap...

The good news is that I love myself more today than I ever have.

Progress not perfection? Yep!

You’ve got this, friends!! Hang in there and choose to love yourself today (for me it’s always a choice before it becomes feeling).

True story… 😵😏😂

A sappy kind of love like at the beginning with your partner is possible to have no matter how long you’ve been together! 💓⚡️

We know because we’ve been together for 35 and 1/2 years and still get that new-relationship tingle. ❤️‍🔥

If you don’t, maybe life has you so busy you don’t have time for your partner? Or you’ve just settled into a comfortable but distant place over the years.

Well, here are some suggestions to get that tingle back asap...

1. Keep date night sacred! Pick one night a week that is for you and your lover. If you can't manage once a week, go for two nights a month. This can be as simple as making dinner together (and getting a baby-sitter if you have little kiddos around the house).

2. Surprise each other. Whether this is as small as writing a little love note and putting it in their wallet or a surprise weekend get away, it will reignite romance.

3. Have more s*x! Now, not only will this allow for more intimacy but it has been PROVEN to boost the immune system and release stress.

4. Dance together. Regardless of if this in in the kitchen, on the patio, or out at your favorite night club.

5. Soak up some vitamin D together! Start a garden, share lawn chores, or just go for a walk around the block.

Have fun!
Marla 🧡🙏🏻🤗

It’s hard to fly when fear has you stuck and stressed…

I have been there too many times—flightless and flailing from the desperate pain of betrayal and ugliness. And then I read about the butterfly and their story has held profound symbolism for me since 2000 when I consciously chose flight over fear.

Did you know that the caterpillar completely liquifies and then the cells reform to create the butterfly? Wow. I am thankful to have been liquified (that's really how my heart felt) and then to be recreated to fly, and love, and feel true joy.

I'm not always good at staying afloat, but I'm no longer crawling on the ground so often. So. Much. Gratitude.

Chose flight over fear today, my friends!

xoxo