Most of us understand what it means to meet someone where they are at and how to hold space when it pertains to our approach with others. We don't often think of these two ways of being when it comes to relating to our own selves. One of the hardest things about showing up for ourselves in this way is that we have tendency to view our own lives with a future framework in mind. Our mind’s looks out to the distant horizon of our aim and rarely lands for long in the current landscape of our lives. It is our very human nature to be striving.
This constant endeavoring toward a future goal that most of us live with, can create a sense of impoverishment in the under currents of our being. This becomes most clear when some unfortunate incident or interaction takes place and the mind immediately uses the situation as an affirmation for the broken record of “not enough”. In turn, this “not enough” immediately pulls us out of the present and back into the cycle of ambition and the distant horizon. How do we find the grace to be present and accepting of all that life puts in front of us? How do we find our own starting point and arrive there with compassion? A place where we can greet ourselves with gentleness, making space to explore where we are at with peace, rather than judgement? The judgement feeds the scarcity, which fuels our drive with negative emotions and keeps us shackled to the voice that demands us to be more, to pull up our socks, sacrifice our time, our values, for success, to be worthy of love, to be seen, to have our needs hold as much value as whomever or whatever is standing before us.
We must to be willing to take an honest look at our lives. We must have the courage to be truthful about what is not working and take ownership of the ways we continue to say yes to those things that we know in our hearts to be no. We must acknowledge our choices, especially the ones that we make with our souls pressed between a rock and a hard place.
We can learn to recognize the ways we negate ourselves in order to be palatable to the world beyond our skin. Explore and deconstruct our reasoning behind our self- negation. There may be a part of us that is deeply afraid that if we say yes to ourselves, we will be alone, without friendships, seen as selfish, unable to have the little luxuries we so desperately need to soothe the constant fray of tenderness we live with beneath the surface.
It is through acknowledging and validating the existence and details of what is not working for us and the choices we make to keep those in place that we can begin the process of change. Most of us do not come to that place voluntarily but find ourselves pressed painfully against a crisis in which wecan no longer escape disconnect or disengage from our truths. Those moments that come down to no other choice but to say yes to ourselves even if we are angry at life for leaving us no other options.
Here lies the sacred moment where we are invited to enter into a state of trust, to meet ourselves where we are, to hold the space to examine what narratives we are in service to, and take ownership of the creativity we have to design our lives and relationships through conscious awareness and choices.
Coast Mountain Support Services
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A local life coaching, life skills counseling firm located in beautiful Bellingham, WA.
Licensed and Certified Life skills counseling, advocacy and holistic coaching with a special emphasis on relationships, archetypal psychology and difficult transitions . Please text, call or email for a list of customized and personal services.
Operating as usual
On Suffering and the End of Suffering
On Suffering and the End of Suffering Sharon Salzberg on opening to the truth of suffering, the core of the Buddha's teaching.
Coast Mountain Support Services updated their address.
The ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self: the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.
~ David Whyte
Nine Reasons a Person with PTSD May Be Incapable of Meeting Their Partner’s Relationship Needs – The Art of Healing Trauma
Nine Reasons a Person with PTSD May Be Incapable of Meeting Their Partner’s Relationship Needs – The Art of Healing Trauma This is a cartoon of something I actually said to my boyfriend the other day when we were lying outside on a blanket getting sun.
That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief
That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief The coronavirus pandemic has led to a collective loss of normalcy.
We all have survival resources that we lean on during difficult times but if we have experienced or are currently experiencing trauma, those resources can become a habitual groove we settle into that becomes ingrained. When this happens and it becomes our "normal" we are unconsciously living in a contracted state and we miss out on full, robust lives. Developing an understanding of our creative resources and engaging in those things that bring pleasure, play, trust and joy are vital to our healing process so that they do not become casualties to the things that happen or are happening to us. Survival resources are the things we do to get us through and our creative resources are those things that assist us to move through with resilience and connectivity - they are the things we do that create exuberance and flow that help us to live fully.
DEAR HUMANITY Earth Day is typically when we tell our planet how much she means to us. But today, Planet Earth has a message for us. With people feeling more isolated than ever,…
Thank you Michele Angélis!
Anxiety is a trickster.
Gaining Peace through the Wisdom of No Arrival
The wisdom of no arrival encourages us to engage in our lives fully today, letting go of the hope that tomorrow will be different. In other words we accept the joys and sorrows of life as they are without fantasizing that there is some strategy or skill that will help us to arrive at a place that is free from difficulty...https://dradiagooden.com/2018/06/26/gaining-peace-through-the-wisdom-of-no-arrival/?fbclid=IwAR10GOJmOJlgNpc2tUwEyXcMp8fgyrvIS7QXe8PjJ3SmgPriqAYDH-puK0s
Gaining Peace through the Wisdom of No Arrival I have been dealing with minor but fairly uncomfortable and frustrating digestive issues since last summer. If I’m being honest I would say that I have been dealing with minor digestive issue…
Thank you for this thoughtful post!
This was on my heart today.
What if none of your big thoughts, feelings or behaviours are fundamentally bad, wrong, negative or unhelpful?
What if many of your reactions to stress or your responses to uncertainty or mistreatment are not a flawed aspect of you?
Disclaimer: There are many patterns of thinking/feeling/behaving that can be hurtful and violent. And when those are used to harm others we should be held accountable to the ways they impact/harm others. As well, we should not shy away from labelling violence as wrong, bad and negative.
This post refers specifically to the ways in which we’re taught or are made to believe that our normal responses to abnormal events make us wrong, bad, unhealthy, negative, unproductive and no-good. What if our responses are just reasonable reactions to feeling unsafe? And what if our so-called maladaptive, socially unacceptable and unhealthy responses are just the strategies we’ve used to stay alive or have deployed to cope with feeling unsafe?
Too often our big thoughts, feelings and behaviours are labelled as bad, wrong, and negative. Too often systems trap us inside of these labels. Big thoughts/feelings/behaviours only get that big in order to keep us safe or free from harm. Reframing our big thoughts/feelings/behaviours m helps remind us that all of the big, bad, negative stuff is how we engage in a process of “safety-seeking.” It’s how we arrive at feeling more safe within our bodies or in our environments.
Big thoughts/feelings/behaviours cue us into our unmet need for safety. So-called negative thoughts arise to help us become more aware of our circumstance. So-called negative feelings call attention to disruptions in our internal/external environment. And so-called bad behaviour (tantrums, swearing, raging, physical aggression in early childhood, self harm in adolescence, over-working in adulthood, etc.) help us cope with our circumstance, protect ourselves, regulate ourselves, or advocate for ourselves.
They happen for a functional purpose:
How To Know If You Can Trust Someone - Brené Brown - BRAVING
this is wonderful!
How To Know If You Can Trust Someone - Brené Brown - BRAVING Start listening with a 30-day Audible trial. Choose 1 audiobook and unlimited monthly Audible Original downloads absolutely free. Visit http://www.audible.co...
How a Black Therapist Is Treating Protest Trauma
How a Black Therapist Is Treating Protest Trauma Psychologist Jennifer Mullan talks about mental health practices for protesters and how pain moves between generations.
There is a gestalt saying, "understanding is the b***y prize". When it comes to trauma understanding is not enough because the body remembers what the mind forgets and the body responds to situations that include any similarities to the original trauma. Often when we are anxious or have been hijacked by uncomfortable and overwhelming sensations in the body it is the bodies way of expressing and protecting us from what it has learned is an unsafe situation. Unpacking that takes mindful focus, self compassion and learning how to self regulate. Bringing somatic awareness into your healing practices is another stage in the evolution of your healing and wholeness. We are our mind, our body and our spirit and approaching our healing and wellness from a holistic framework is a vital part of the journey home to yourself
Psycheology: The Study of the Soul
Psycheology: The Study of the Soul Over the weekend, I listened to a lecture by Neal Goldsmith, psychotherapist specializing in psycho-spiritual development. The word psychology is derived from the Greek word psukhe, meaning “…
Resmaa Menakem — 'Notice the Rage; Notice the Silence’
When we’re talking about trauma, when we’re talking about historical trauma, intergenerational trauma, persistent institutional trauma, and personal traumas — whether that be childhood, adolescence, or adulthood — those things, when they are left constricted, you begin to be shaped around the constriction. And it is wordless. Time decontextualizes trauma. https://onbeing.org/programs/resmaa-menakem-notice-the-rage-notice-the-silence/?fbclid=IwAR2K7WdKkbHlxP1_rhvyCNrO4vrQSGVIfvNR-Ox4IxPgU8VzkGK03WAcuQY
Resmaa Menakem — 'Notice the Rage; Notice the Silence’ The therapist and trauma specialist with old wisdom and very new science about our bodies and nervous systems, and all we condense into the word “race.”
Brené Brown on How to Reckon with Emotion and Change Your Narrative
Brené Brown on How to Reckon with Emotion and Change Your Narrative The most powerful stories may be the ones we tell ourselves, says Brené Brown. But beware—they're usually fiction.
Love is an Ongoing Practice
The Study of Adult Development shows that the quality of one’s relationships has an enormous impact on the quality of one’s life. The more, deeper, and fuller the love, the better.
The words “relationship” and “love” generally bring to mind a bond between two people. But perhaps that is too narrow. Can’t you also be in a loving relationship with a pursuit, with a community, or even with the natural world? Whatever it is you love, so long as the feeling is genuine, you’ll be better off for it.
Love is an Ongoing Practice It’s cultivated through care and attention.
When we experience trauma our hippocampus can go offline. The hippocampus is the part of the brain that "time stamps" an event and files it in our being as a cognitive memory. Implicit memories are memories carried and contained in our body. They come up as body sensations but may not be realized to a memory because they are without the "cognitive time stamp". This is one of the ways our body carries and contains our trauma for us and when these kinds of trauma's are triggered it can be particularly disorienting and distressing since the brain does not recognize them as a memory. This can make us feel fragmented, anxious and unsafe but integration, regulation and healing are possible. PTSD and CPTSD are injuries that can be healed.
You are making magic!
How to Befriend Your Nervous System During Quarantine
Our unique nervous system and social distancing.
How to Befriend Your Nervous System During Quarantine How do we stay socially distant yet safely connected? Well, according to Deb Dana there’s no one-size-fits-all answer here . . . and it also depends on the “...
Longer Exhalations Are an Easy Way to Hack Your Vagus Nerve
Longer Exhalations Are an Easy Way to Hack Your Vagus Nerve Respiratory vagus nerve stimulation (rVNS) counteracts fight-or-flight stress.
Audio: Worldwide Healing of Love - Jack Kornfield
Audio: Worldwide Healing of Love - Jack Kornfield This is a guided, healing energy meditation and metta (lovingkindness) practice. However difficult the times, suffering is not the end of the story—love is. May your spirit be strong. May you be safe and protected. May you be filled with deep healing. May you be held by love.
The Anger Is Real. Here’s How to Manage It.
The Anger Is Real. Here’s How to Manage It. Daily insights on life in the face of uncertainty, by psychiatrist and habit change specialist Dr. Jud Brewer
Are You Being Toxic To Yourself? Here Are The Signs To Look Out For
Are You Being Toxic To Yourself? Here Are The Signs To Look Out For While it may seem easy to recognize signs of toxic behavior in others, it's not always easy to detect our own toxic habits. Here's why it is important to look at negative self-talk.
That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief
Thank you to my friend David for this gem.https://maryomalley.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Newsletter-19-05-01.pdf
Licensed and Certified Life skills counseling, trauma-informed and s*x -positive life coaching. Outside the lines special focus is on difficult life transtions, relationships, diversity and archetypal psychology . Please text, call or email for a list of customized and personal services.
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