Raymond Tor-Anyiin

You know how much your person is respected when they refer you to people they know. So, when I make referrals, I ask for updates.

Know who you are dealing with; do not offend the wrong people.

Somebody I had never met paid my Tfare yesterday because the okada that carried me hadn't change. They did this and walked away.

I feel like if you told me to work for 30 days for 30K, I might refuse. But might work for 30 days for 1K daily.

It's saddening to hear people talk poorly about other people. But it is more saddening when they do the same about themselves.

Rio Dyege inspired this story back then. I wrote it in 2020.

Title: Love Costs a Thing
Part 1

“Lucy!!!” the man following her from behind called. She was surprised to hear anybody in that village call her by that name because the only name of hers they knew was Doose. Since she had come to that village, she never really made any friends, nor did she have any family members.

The only person related to her was her husband, and he never called her by that name either; he would call her “Doom”. Yes, he renamed her after he took her as his wife.

When she stopped and looked at the person coming towards her, her heart skipped for a moment. She couldn’t believe her eyes. “Was this another dream?” she had thought, but it didn’t seem so because she could feel her stomach rumbling like an early rain cloud. She had not eaten since morning; the half tuber of yam she had cooked wasn’t enough for her to eat with her son, so she let him have it all. The hunger was a reminder for her to know she was awake and that what was finally standing before her was real.

She was so astonished that she didn’t even hear him greet her. He had to touch her to bring her back to reality. He said again, “Lucy, it is me. It’s Rio.” She just looked at him and asked, “what are you doing here?” She wasn’t happy to see him; that was evident in her tone, and that was justifiable. Because the last time they had seen each other was about 5 years ago, and it wasn’t on a good note. That day, Lucy had been betrayed by Rio.

She was so heartbroken that she contemplated su***de, but then that would have caused more damage. She had thought of her baby and struck that thought out.

Rio couldn’t answer the question; he just looked at the ground as though he had written some answers there from where he could peep. Lucy just looked at him from “head to toe” and then turned to walk away when he held her hand “Lucy, I’m sorry,” he said. She je**ed off his grip and said, “don’t you ever lay your filthy hands on me.” Filthy hands? Who was filthy? Lucy was the filthy one because she was looking so dirty. She was closing the mine; the dust from tiling, breaking and sieving rocks had made her as dirty as a dusting rag.

But when she said that Rio knew better than anybody what Lucy was capable of, he obliged. And she walked away.
Lucy had been through a serious ordeal because of her love for Rio.

Her dreams went down the drain because of that same love. It had already been 5 years since the day that drama played out, but seeing him again had reopened those wounds, and the hurt felt like the first time.

“What is he even doing here?” she thought to herself as she walked home with Terfa on her back. While she was breaking rocks, he played around and slept off. She loved the boy so much. He was the fruit of love, the result of that pure and magnificent relationship they had — too bad the relationship had to end the way it did.

They had imagined themselves getting married and having beautiful babies, but when a baby did come, none of them remembered they wanted babies together. They all wished Lucy’s pregnancy was a dream they could wake up from, but no, it wasn’t.

Lastly, a professor has called me in the past to appreciate me for the role I played in their promotion to the rank.

Funnily enough, my elder brother (the police officer) happens to be my sponsor, so he has been paying for all the costs. Thanks.

I am an avid reader and observer, so I write a lot. But research and publishing are costly.

I get emails about people reading my publications. God, it feels so good to impart knowledge to people I don't even know exist.

I raised an argument the other day, and the response I got was, "You've never attended a pre-marital counselling session... So, I understand your ignorance."

I ended the argument because, truly, experience is the best teacher. And I understood that I was about to base my argument on just theory, unlike my supposed opponent who was not just a counsellor but also married.

"My own craving in life is knowledge, reading, research and travel." Reno Omokri

I am neither a Mathematics nor Statistics person, but I'd rather sit in Statistics class for 2 hours than Math for 45 minutes.

When I was primary school, precisely primary 4, my elder sister, Doowuese decided that I didn't need extra lessons.

These lessons were paid for by parents and lasted from 2pm to 4pm Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

I used to get flogged by the teachers for not attending. I didn't like that, but I also knew that I didn't necessarily need the lessons because most of what was taught was what I had already known. And my sister also saw this.

But to save myself the ass whooping, I started saving up some money from the little change my sister used to give me as lunch money. This I did in form of a contribution with some of my classmates who wanted to save too. Most of them were already participating in the extra lessons.

I had saved up to half of the amount when one morning while we turning in our monies for savings before the break our form teacher caught us and collected the money.

She requested that our parents or guardians come or send letters to prove that the monies we had with us weren't stolen or nothing reported missing in the home.

When I gave the word to my elder sister she showed up in school the next day. My name was cleared, and my money given to her.

We were brilliant pupils and as such had a good record of everybody's contribution. And the person keeping the monies for us had integrity as not even a Kobo was shorting from the expected amount.

When my sister collected my share of the money, the teachers used the avenue to convince her that there was need for me to join my mate's in the extra lessons after school.

So she added some money to what I had saved and enrolled me for the lessons.

And truly, the lessons helped me regardless.

I had always been a brilliant pupil but the lesson made a difference. I did better that term, came second, was supposed to receive a mathematical set and texts but unfortunately, I had traveled to Anyiin for the holidays before the graduation ceremony.

I was just 10 years old with such passion for learning. 10 years was also the average age of the group of boys and girls I did the contribution with.

This passion for learning and the extra lessons also landed me my first girlfriend in primary 4, year 2007. She was in primary 3.

🖤❤️

I have a big mirror. I look at myself everyday in it and say really nice things to myself before I go out and when I get back.

Most times, I ask myself questions looking at myself through the mirror as I answer.

I might voice such talks out or have them silently in my mind. This act is called self-talk; talking to yourself, verbally or nonverbally.

According to Aondohemba (2022), self-talk refers to the ongoing internal conversation within oneself, which influences how one feels, thinks and behaves.

It can be defined as verbalizations or statements addressed to the self (Hardy, 2006).

Self-talk can be negative or positive.

Negative self-talk is also known as unhelpful self-talk or negative thinking and refers to inner critical dialogue that may be limiting one's ability to believe in oneself or abilities to reach one's potential.

Negative self-talk is any thought that diminishes one's ability to make positive changes in life or confidence to do so (Sheila, 2008). It has the power to influence both our mood and behaviour. It can cause unnecessary stress, anxiety, depression, self-doubt, etc.

Positive self-talk on the other hand is defined as self-statements that affect a person's behaviour in much the same way as statements made by other persons.

Positive self-talk encourages self-confidence, effective coping, achievement, and a general feeling of well-being.

Positive self-talk is used more by successful people than those less-successful (Kahrovic, Radenkovic, Mavric & Muric, 2014).

Learn to say positive things to yourself as well as to others. According to the Cognitive Behavioural School of Thought, you're a product of your thinking.

Illogical or irrational thoughts equate to illogical or irrational behaviour. Behaviour includes failures, successes, skills, techniques, everything you do.

So, get a grip of your thoughts, make them positive and you'll experience a lot of positivity in your life.

It's Monday! Go out and be positive!

Raymond Tor-Anyiin
🖤❤️

Part of this post is an excerpt from:
Aondohemba, S. M. (2022). Effect of self-talk on discipline among secondary school students in Kokona Local Government Area of Nasarawa State. The Journal of Counselling and Development, 4(1), 103-113.

"Empathy is understanding the thought process, emotions and behaviour of other people."

Types:
Cognitive
Emotional
Compassionate

You can't claim to be a Christian but then lack empathy. It's important to be able to understand other people's positions and perspectives and situations.

A lack of empathy means a lot of selfishness and egotism. These traits would lead anyone to a bad place after they die.

Because every religion cherishes empathy.

In Counselling, it is a core condition that is necessary for effective counselling.

It is expected of a Counsellor to possess empathic abilities to be able to understand their clients' feelings, emotions, and behaviour fully.

Learn to put yourself in other people's shoes today and you would understand and treat them better.

Happy Sunday. 🖤❤️

Raymond Tor-Anyiin

The dreams you have when you sleep originate from within you and could say a lot about you.

In psychoanalytic theory (by Sigmund Freud), there is a technique called dream analysis.

The meaning of this technique can be deduced literally; dream analysis, analysis of dreams.

It involves the interpretation of clients' dreams by a psychoanalyst (or psychotherapist or counsellor).

This technique is utilized in the process of psychotherapy because it is believed in psychoanalysis that dreams are not just mere happenings of the mind but rather pathways to the depths of the human mind.

In the interpretation of dreams, certain symbols or objects or phenomena present in a dream are linked with real life objects or situations to deduce an understanding of what a client's dream might mean.

Psychoanalytic theory classifies the human mind into conscious, preconscious and unconscious.

The unconscious part of the mind which is not readily available or accessible to the human being is said to contain a lot about the person including repressed attitudes, emotions and feelings and the contents are generally unacceptable or unpleasant.

These suppressed characteristics find a way of revealing themselves to the individual and others through dreams and verbal slips.

So when people dream, they don't just dream. It is their mind bringing to the surface certain cravings or desires or feelings or emotions that they might or might not be aware of. And might have deliberately or indeliberately pushed to the unconscious part of the mind.

While the concept of interpretation of dreams might seem unscientific, a close up look and observation of your dreams would reveal to you that you sometimes dream about the things or people that linger on your mind in the daytime.

If you're badly in need of a motorcycle you're very likely to dream of one at night. Same applies to wet dreams. A mind that is eroded with sexually arousing thoughts or content in the daytime is more likely to have wet dreams at night.

The next time you dream wake up and memorize the contents of the dream. By the next day a careful analysis might reveal some elements of your thoughts in the dream.

The same can be a great explanation as to why traumatized people (victims of r**e, violence and others) have nightmares when they sleep.

Raymond Tor-Anyiin

Guidance is largely driven by information dissemination while Counselling is aimed at adjustment.

While Counselling might seem like an entirely different endeavour from Guidance, it is actually just a service in the process.

Guidance is an umbrella term and process that offers different services including Counselling.

In the process of Guidance, a Counsellor utilizes services like Counselling, Placement, Orientation, Information, Referral, Follow-up among others to help a client get over a problem.

However, in the process, some clients might need more than just information. Because they would be going through certain problems that have in one way or the other made then not to attain maximum utilization of their potentials.

The Guidance Counsellor comes in to help them overcome such challenges.

Counselling is an interpersonal relationship between a professionally trained Counsellor and a client that is aimed at helping the client understand the self and situations better so as to be able to make choices that would enhance their adjustment and development.

The concepts Guidance and Counselling might seem the same but they are not. But their similarity makes them inseparable and this is why even though Counselling is a service in Guidance it is paired together with the umbrella term (Guidance), and written and offered as Guidance and Counselling.

Counselling is at the heart of Guidance and cannot be separated from it.

The process requires the utilization of psychological theories and special skills and techniques that are necessary in the diagnosis, prognosis and treatment of psychosocial problems.

Counselling is a process that is systematic, thus advances in stages or phases that could be said to be strictly adhered to even though Counselling itself is flexible and can take different dimensions and approaches.

The Counsellor must be trained and in the process of Counselling, must take into cognizance the principles and ethics that guide the relationship.

Certain conditions facilitate effective Counselling and are necessary for a successful relationship and eventual adjustment of the client and achievement of the goals of the Counselling relationship.

These conditions include confidentiality, empathy among others.

The complexity of the services offered by Guidance like Counselling and others makes it necessary for one to be professionally trained before they could claim to be Guidance Counsellors.

Raymond Tor-Anyiin

Guidance is the process of helping individuals to achieve self-understanding and self-direction necessary to make the maximum adjustment to school, home and community (Miller, 1968).

It is simply the process of helping individuals to understand themselves and their world (Shertzer & Stone, 1976).

According to Denga (1983), guidance is a formalized educational service designed by the school to assist students to achieve self-knowledge or self-understanding which is necessary for them to attain the fullest self-development and self-realization of their potential.

Guidance is the process of helping people make important choices that affect their lives, such as choosing career or preffered lifestyle (Akume, Igbo & Tor-Anyiin, 2008).

Guidance is focused on helping individuals gain an understanding of themselves and the situations they find themselves in so they can take decisions and make choices that will enhance their development.

Professionals are trained in the field of Guidance and Counselling to offer professional guidance to individuals in various spheres of life, ranging from academics to marriage, family, work, relationships among others.

Advice can be offered by anyone but professional assistance such as guidance can be offered only by a professionally trained Guidance Counsellor.

Raymond Tor-Anyiin

Remember, I am always available to guide and assist you with your academic related issues. Reach out, anytime. 🤝🏾

I'm such a nice person. I get to interact with over 15-20 people daily. And they'd all leave happily, dropping compliments and tips. I really did study Counselling. Wow!

You're not lonely, neither are you depressed. You're just a hungry person, find something chop before you pour frustration on top person.

What you're made of will always speak for you. Just stay true to yourself, always.

Don't wait for people's validation, if nobody blows their trumpet for you blow it yourself.

If you feel you've achieved, you've achieved. You mustn't be told you achieved to validate your achievement.

You're the goal-setter, don't ever forget.

Raymond Tor-Anyiin

NNPC/SEPLAT Joint Venture hereby announces the commencement of application for its 2022 / 2023 National Undergraduate Scholarship Programme.

The scholarship award is open to qualified undergraduate students of Federal and State Universities in Nigeria. The NNPC/SEPLAT Scholarship Scheme is one of our educational Corporate Social Responsibility intervention designed to promote educational development and human capacity building through provision of yearly grants to successful applicants to complete their degree programmes.

For eligibility criteria, enquiries and application proceed to;

https://www.seplatenergy.com/news-insights/news/undergraduate-scholarship-applications-are-open/

Welcome to the month of September. Succeed in all you do this month and always. Amen. 💜

"The hardship continua, aluta". MI Abaga on 'Craze' off his 'The Movie' Album. He said a lot of things that were valid then, and are still valid now.
Listening to old songs talking about the situation of Nigeria since way back, and yet we're still where we are. It only paints how bad the country has gone over the years.

We're all fed up. As a corps member, I got myself registered as a voter and I did all I could to help fresh and old voters get their PVCs.
I attended electoral process seminars, acquired some knowledge about the registration process, helped people sort out challenges with their voters card and volunteered at INEC office just to make sure nobody would have an excuse as to why they wouldn't be voting come next year.

I was surprised to see PVCs from 2011 not picked up by the owners. Many who came to get their PVCs were from 2011 batch too. It was more like, they had given up on Nigeria and the electoral process but then the consciousness exhibited prior to 2023 elections has awaken fire.

We all need to get it right next year. Channel the energy for presidential candidates to governors, senators, house representatives and local government chairs too. Let's purge Nigeria of any infested politicians at whatever levels of government.

While you're doing this remember to be a good Nigerian yourself. 'Government' is only a 'mercenary' set up by us to do what we'd love it to do. If you're good you'd set up a good government, if you're not you wouldn't do much.

Your Counsellor.

💜🌻

Within the confines of a session, counsellors are advised to recognize their own needs and strive to keep those needs from impeding the ther**eutic growth of their clients (Corey et al., 2011).

When I put my mind to a task, I do it wholeheartedly. I'd work and not complain even if my coworkers are not diligent or putting in as much effort as I'd be investing on the assigned task.

I can be lazy and even exhibit a procrastinating attitude towards getting my personal tasks or responsibilities done but I don't ever do such if I'm working for someone. I don't even do such if the task involves me and others.

I've found myself in different situations where I've had to work with people and I've witnessed first hand how much laxity workers can exhibit towards assigned responsibilities.

One thing that has happened to such workers that worked with me has been my promotion and their demotion. A typical example could be back in 2020, during the COVID-19 Lockdown. I got called to Abuja for a job.

I was interviewed and made an assistant manager. After a month, getting to 2 months the manager was laid off. Reason? I was hardworking. I exhibited traits of being able to manage, I was covering both my specifications and his, so there was no need paying for two managers when one was doing the job of both.

The employer was unapologetic about the decision to lay him off because he noticed the laxity in him. By so doing, I got promoted and the person behind me also got a promotion and a raise.

I have many other instances like this one where my hard work has been recognized and rewarded. So anytime I find myself in a work environment with 'lazy' coworkers I don't complain.

I would rather use their attitude to work to my advantage. I've been doing this all my life, and it has always worked.

Aside from the rule "nothing goes for nothing", another foolproof saying is "hard work pays".

The Tiv People's page captioned it, "timtyô u or saan ishe gá". And it's just perfect.

You will never achieve anything worthwhile if you don't work hard. It doesn't matter if you're doing it for yourself or others. It becomes worse if you're exhibiting a poor attitude to work at a place of employment. Your employer would never reward you, God would not reward you, Nature would frown at you.

This rule of diligence to responsibility applies to all spheres of human endeavor. Relationships, school, everything. Anywhere you find yourself being assigned a duty, do it and do it well.

Always give your best at all you do, and you'd be defined by and known for being the best.

Your Online Counsellor.

💜🌻

📸 TivPeople

Rich people will not help you. You'll help yourself as you relate with them.

Don't relate with people hoping they'd help you. You might be disappointed. And in the end you'd say they 'used you'.

Before you relate with people think of how you'd be able to help yourself by relating with them (more or less like, how you'd use them, their influence, connection or whatever to develop yourself) . So by relating with them, it'd put you in an advantaged position. And if par adventure they decide to help you, then, it becomes double blessing for you.

Relate with people who are better than you, may be not always but most times. This way, everyday you get to interact with them you stand a chance of developing or growing in one way or the other.

It's not always about money. When you get into relationships with people of value who have money and even connection, don't devalue yourself by asking for money or help.

Help them to develop. Help them to develop in ways that would have resultant effects on your own development.

Foolish people would say you don't have sense or may be you're just proud by not begging for money from a 'big man' you're friends with. But it's neither of the above.

The big people already have tons of people begging them for money and help everyday, every time. Don't add yourself to that long list of people needing help. They despise such people.

Relate with big people quietly, let them use you while you use them too. This way, you'll grow with them as they grow.

Your Online Counsellor.

💜🌻