Coached by Mez Bowen

It can be hard to reclaim yourself as women sometimes….. we can feel a lot of pressure surrounding us to be the perfect image of what society wants us to be:-

💋Age gracefully, but never let yourself go.

💋Work like we have no children and parent like we have no job.

💋They’ll call the stay at home mother unfulfilled but the working mother selfish, all while childless women are considered incomplete.

💋Go chase that career but never at the expense of a family.

💋Think like a man if you want to be successful, but don’t act like one if you want to be liked.

💋We’re supposed to mother our husbands but never treat them like children.

💋Put out on demand, but demand respect.

💋Married and miserable is better than single and happy, don’t stay with an abusive man but never break up your family.

💋Don’t marry a bum for love, but don’t stay with a successful man for security.

💋Don’t be dependent on a man for money, but don’t emasculate them by earning more.

💋They’ll tell us to embrace our sexuality, but have some self-respect and to care about our appearance but stop looking for attention.

💋Just say no, but let them down easy.

💋 Be aware of your surroundings but stop being so dramatic.

💋Practise self-love but don’t love yourself too much.

💋Dream big but stay small and would you like me to keep going???

You can focus on all the things others expect you to be….. or you can say that the only thing I need to be is WHOEVER and WHATEVER I want. If you want some help figuring out exactly who or what that is to reclaim your superhero status, you know where to find me ###

I've been quiet on here for a while... Partly because I love to enjoy life away from all technology, and partly because I've been pondering the patterns of my friendships.

I use the term 'friendships' loosely...as we all ebb and flow with the moon's, so too do our friends - sometimes we have to adjust our expectations surrounding our assumptions on how our friends interact with us.

Do I care enough about this person to voice my upset/hurt/disappointment??? If I do, will they hear my dialogue with an open mind & heart, or will they shut me down & make it all my fault???
Will they even show up at all??? For some, it's easier to ignore the issue than face it. And then they act like there's no issue if they see you in public.
Orrrr was I just more invested in what I thought was a forever friend, when really they no longer need me so I'm the disposable one.

We can live out our Careers and Lives worried about those who say that we are either not enough, or too much.

I agree with understanding your Strengths and learning the tipping point where our strengths lose their power and efficacy.

But NEVER turn down your callings, your IQ, your Emotional IQ etc. just because it triggers someone.

💣💣💣 They will be triggered often, anyway. It's up to them to set their boundaries, and to communicate their feelings/emotions.

My style can be confrontational,
I have a habit of triggering clients and friends by asking allllllllll of the questions - and I'm fully aware that sometimes through this process I need to be the person you blame.

F*** you Mez is one of the most satisfying things you can say, and I am fully comfortable shouldering your misplaced blame..... just know that my shoulders will also carry you all the way to the finish line, so you never have to hold onto that s**t again 💪🏋️‍♂️🏁🏆🎖️

Does the world really need another person telling you how to live your best life?

The last few years have bought a superabundance of information on mental health, life coaching and the 'next big thing to project you forward'.

New tips, tricks, books, cooks, diets and 75Hard style bulls**t are hitting the markets every day. This industry can be a complete train wreck. And instead of cleaning up the wreckage, people continue to be sent down the same rabbit holes to create more and more devastation.

Feeling pressure to ‘Better Yourself’ by paying big money to learn the same old codswallop where the people with no imagination recycle the same old promise and tell you that the only way to enlightenment is to:

• Read ### pages of a self help book
• Don’t drink alcohol
• Follow a diet
• Do a session or two of exercise each day
• And go live on Facebook, because you know – that makes you accountable.

Well duh… everyone knows that clean eating, no alcohol, and actually doing exercise is a great way to clear your head and to feel fantastic in your own body. So do you really need to do these challenges? Is there even a problem? Or have society, the media and our personal insecurities invented one?

Once you know something, you will not be able to un-know it. And if it strikes a deep emotional chord, you will not forget it.

Of course knowing something doesn’t necessarily change anything. Most people know that a packet of chips and a can of soft drink aren’t a top nutritional choice – but it doesn’t stop the chips and drink being one of the biggest selling items in the supermarket.

Be careful…. Because talking to me will enable you to achieve your ‘whatever it is’ you want to achieve…..

Because when you discover something that turns your world inside out and challenges existing paradigms, current medical dogma, societal norms and cultural standards, it will automatically generate questions in your mind.

I will show you that discovering yourelf at your best is an exciting, enlivening, uplifting journey. You can resuscitate yourself and reactivate your freedom - the freedom to decide what’s right for you, the freedom to trust your body, and the freedom to live fully (whatever that means to you) regardless of what others imply you ‘should’ be doing ###

***Substance Abuse***

One of the most brilliant quotes I stumbled upon in regards to playing the victim role was “Some people create their own storms, and then get upset when it rains.”

With any type of substance abuse, it’s an addict’s natural instinct to justify the chemical dependency and blame others in life as they fall “helplessly” into the victim role. The amount of complaining that builds up could fill a novel within minutes.

As the dependency thinking begins to take over and life’s misfortunes are delivered to their feet, they can’t help but bitch and moan about it. It’s so much easier to talk about who did what to them, and the should’ves could’ves would’ves, than it is to actually look at the problem at hand and try to change something about it. Why in the world would they want to tire themselves out and put effort into changing the things that are bothering them?

When they’re so caught up in their usage, it’s hard for them to see that WE are the product of our own actions. They start developing this victim role mindset as if there is some force or entity out there that is trying to prevent them from the delinquency and debauchery they so crave to partake in.

They have to endure and suffer in life because of the choices made by others. Why is there nothing they can do about all these terrible things occurring in their lives? The infamous mindset of being powerless begins to take hold here. By playing the victim role, they are basically handing over their choice of mental freedom and accepting that life has some cruel fate for them that is out of their hands.

Once immersed fully into the victim role, most addicts will resemble only that of self-pity in its truest form and will be actively looking for people to feel sorry for them. They will do anything to avoid themselves and to have somebody else cry their tears, and fight their battles for them - creating distance between the loved ones around them. It can be extremely easy to sway the people who care about us.

Many loved ones do not know how to cope, how to get the addict help, or just deal with an addicted individual in general. It is for this reason that people begin to enable the addict.
This enabling is one of the results from addicts playing the victim card, and swindling loved ones into the game. Because Victims attract Victims. And it is our loved ones sitting in this victim mindset that are unable to see the truth, who decide to fight the addicts battles for them.

Addiction and alcoholism are sneaky little buggers. They come from out of nowhere, tackle you to the ground, and then leave you hogtied and waiting for death. Now you can complain and admit defeat - or you can squirm, loosen the ropes of chemical dependency and walk away knowing how much you’ve overcome.

Playing the victim role is a form of self-sabotage that exaggerates the ugly beauty life has in store for all of us.

Don’t be the little piggy that cries “wee wee wee” all the way home. You’re entitled to your roast beef too.

The flight of the bumblebee is not just an excellent classical piece composed by Rimsky-Korsakov…

Short and stubby, the bumblebee doesn't look very flight-worthy. Indeed, in the 1930s, French entomologist August Magnan even noted that the insect's flight is actually impossible, and the ability of the bumblebee to fly has intrigued entomologists and engineers for decades.

Bumblebees should not be able to fly because in doing so they break all the physical laws of aerodynamics – their bodies are too large for their wings.

It was long assumed that a bumblebee moves its wings up and down, forcing air downwards and generating enough force to lift its body off the ground and fly.

Scientists discovered that the wings sweep back in a ninety-degree arc and then flip over as they return… In other words, the wings moved backwards and forwards rather than up and down, and the speed of the movement coupled with the angle of the wings creating something akin to a mini cyclone around the bee.

So if we apply the logic of Bumble Bees to our lives, however you do the thing - be it up and down or front to back, whether you fly, glide, sail or run, fast, slow or somewhere in between - it’s proven that the tiny minute details are just the story of how you did it… and stories are always evolving.

Bee’s just fly, because they can. They figure out what works for them, and they do it. And in doing so, they do it with the power of a mini cyclone that they create surrounding them.

Fear is just faith that it won’t work. You have to give up the thoughts that weigh you down.

Addiction is not a choice that anybody makes.

It is not a moral failure. It is not an ethical lapse. It is not a weakness of character. It is not a failure of will.

What it actually is, is it’s a response to human suffering.

Whether it be Sexual, Physical, Emotional, Severe or less severe, - it is an attempt to escape suffering. It is a quick and easy way to numb the pain and allows you to mask the deeper wounds. Temporarily.

It can give us a false sense of emotional release, which can often be unleashed onto those around us toxically.

Addictions are a response to suffering. And what people need in response to addiction is not judgement, and not simply symptom control. They need to be helped to heal from their trauma. Because it is all about trauma.

It is however possible for people to heal from trauma. Sufficiently so they do not have to keep escaping from themselves into addictions. To lesson the suffering of their trauma – you must approach it from a healthy direction, with a healthy perspective.

People want to solve your problems for you, rather than asking:
💣 Where does your behaviour come from?”
💣 What are you still carrying inside that is making you behave this way?
💣 How can we help you resolve what’s inside you?

Not just how do we help you evolve your behaviour, but how do we help YOU recalibrate. Now that’s what healing is. And that happens inside a person.

So it’s never anybody curing anybody else (because lets face it, we’re not the deli-meats on the antipasto platter), but we can guide people to healing if we ask the appropriate questions ♥️🫂♥️

Addiction is not a choice that anybody makes. It is not a moral failure. It is not an ethical lapse. It is not a weakness of character. It is not a failure of will.
What it actually is, is it’s a response to human suffering.

Whether it be Sexual, Physical, Emotional, Severe or less severe - it is an attempt to escape suffering. It is a quick and easy way to numb the pain and allows you to mask the deeper wounds. Temporarily.

It can give us a false sense of emotional release, which can often be unleashed onto those around us toxically.

Addictions are a response to suffering. And what people need in response to addiction is not judgement, and not simply symptom control. They need to be helped to heal from their trauma. Because it is all about trauma.

It is however possible for people to heal from trauma. Sufficiently so they do not have to keep escaping from themselves into addictions.

To lesson the suffering of their trauma – you must approach it from a healthy direction, with a healthy perspective.

People want to solve your problems for you, rather than asking:
- Where does your behaviour come from?”
- What are you still carrying inside that is making you behave this way?
- How can we help you resolve what’s inside you?

Not just how do we help you evolve your behaviour, but how do we help YOU recalibrate. Now that’s what healing is.

And that happens inside a person. So it’s never anybody curing anybody else (because lets face it, we’re not the deli-meats on the antipasto platter), but we can guide people to healing if we ask the appropriate questions.

I lost a friend this month to Alcoholism.

I lost them because I held them accountable after a very terrible night. I told them that I loved them, that I would be there for them no matter what, and that I would help them through this.

In many cases, confrontation with an alcoholic simply results in denial and resentment on the part of the alcoholic, as well as frustration on the part of their loved ones. And this is what has happened to me, and to my friend. They have chosen to end our friendship, and to continue to be in denial, whilst still drinking.

The thing to remember is that your confrontation with the alcoholic could be just one step in a long process that will eventually cause them to re-examine their life and make a change down the road. Even if your attempts to help are brushed off, you may be planting the seed for eventual recovery.

When a loved one is engaged in alcohol abuse, because addiction is a family disorder - watching them spiral out of control can cause inner conflict for spouses, siblings, parents, children and friends as they also experience the consequences of substance abuse (regardless of their preferred addiction – Substances can be illegal drugs, alcohol, solvents, legal highs, and prescription medicines), as many people with the disorder lie and blame others for their actions. It is a hurtful reality that many people experience.

Accepting unacceptable behaviour usually begins with some small incident that you brush off with, "They just had too much to drink." But the next time, the behaviour may get a little worse and then even worse again. You might slowly begin to accept more and more unacceptable behaviour. Before you realize it, you can find yourself in a full-blown abusive relationship.

Abuse is never acceptable. You do not have to put up with unacceptable behaviour in your life. You have choices.

Over the next few weeks, I will be posting more information for you about substance abuse, and how you can support yourself in maintaining a clear and healthy mindset whilst navigating a loved one with a substance abuse issue.